


The Race Is Not to the Swift

by toocleverfox



Category: Marvel (Comics), Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Bisexual Tommy Shepherd, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Gen, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Tommy centric fic, Tommy learns to love himself, brief Lisa Molinari/Tommy Shepherd, it's not explicit but it's there, the YA show up at the end, tommy's parents suck wbk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23844217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toocleverfox/pseuds/toocleverfox
Summary: "He was twelve years old when it first happened."Aka Tommy Shepherd's origin story.
Relationships: David Alleyne/Tommy Shepherd (mentioned), Teddy Altman/Billy Kaplan (mentioned)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 68





	1. Twelve Years Old (Seventh Grade)

He was twelve years old when it first happened.

He was sitting on the floor of the living room in his run down house in Springfield, New Jersey, playing with a wind up toy car. He’d seen it in the backpack of a kid from his class, and he was upset that he didn’t have anything remotely similar to it. He knew what stealing was, so he knew he shouldn’t have taken it, but it didn’t seem fair to him that other kids had better toys than he did. 

He made car noises that mingled with the sound of the TV, pretending he was the driver and he was going far, far away. He envisioned himself in a car that went as fast as the wind, a car that took him wherever he wanted. He could drive away from the kids at school who ignored him no matter how hard he tried to make friends, he could drive away from the teachers who looked at him in pity, and, most importantly, he could drive away from the constant yelling between his mother and father. 

With that thought, the toy car flew out his hands, hitting the far wall and crashing to the ground.

“What the hell was that, boy?” his father yelled, interrupted from his show by a car flying across his line of sight. 

The boy frowned, looking down at his hands and then back at the green car where it lay upside down on the other side of the room, toy wheels spinning erratically. He swore he didn’t do that, it was like his body had done it all on its own. Hadn’t his teacher said something about his body changing? Was this what she’d meant?

Pursing his lips, he said, “Puberty.” He frowned and added, “I think.” 

This caused his father to laugh and shake his head, easily focusing back on the TV. 

“Just try not to throw things around the house again, alright?” his father yawned, cracking open another beer. 

The boy nodded, getting up to leave the room, but he knew he hadn’t thrown the toy. He frowned and inspected the car when he scooped it up on the way to his bedroom. 

He wasn’t sure he wouldn’t do it again. 

Tommy Shepherd was twelve years old when he realized he wasn’t like everyone else. 

__________

Tommy sat by himself at lunch, two weeks after the toy car incident, idly dragging his fork through watered down mashed potatoes. The cafeteria food was never nice, but it was still better than the food his parents occasionally brought back. 

He wasn’t very hungry, though he should have been. He felt weird. Off. He couldn’t quite put a name to it, but it felt like his body was a livewire, thrumming with energy. 

He shoveled more mashed potatoes into his mouth, trying to ignore the feeling. 

He was imagining the food he was eating was a five course meal, with a large bowl of ice cream for dessert and a bag of skittles to bring back to his house after school, when kids started yelling behind him. Tommy flinched at the raised voices before remembering he wasn’t at his house and turned around to see what was happening. 

There was a group of four kids, standing around a boy who was sitting two tables over from Tommy. The boy wasn’t in any of Tommy’s classes, but he recognized him from the PE class that often joined his own on days when it rained and they had to share the gym. 

The boy, Joshua, was turned around in his seat, frowning at the other boys surrounding him. Joshua’s friends had stopped eating their lunch, watching the exchange.

Most of the cafeteria was, too, including Tommy.

“I didn’t take it,” Joshua said sternly, crossing his arms. 

The boy closest to him, a kid who was in Tommy’s PE and math class, Dallas, shook his head. “Dude, don’t lie. You borrowed my English book from my backpack, you probably took it then!”

Joshua’s furrow deepened. “Why would I even want your stupid toy car in the first place?”

At those words, Tommy stilled. His skin turned hot and his ears started ringing. He didn’t think anyone would miss it, he didn’t even know whose toy it was. He had just seen a hand drop it into the front zipper of a backpack and before he thought it over he was taking it out and slipping it into his own backpack. He didn’t think what it would mean. He just wanted to be like everyone else, to be a kid who got the toys they wanted. 

_It was me,_ his mind chanted. _It was me, it was me, it was-_

“What the shit was that?” Dallas yelled above a chorus of screams.

Tommy whipped his head around to find the trash can by Joshua’s table had exploded. 

Tommy blinked. That couldn’t be right.

But it was. The grey plastic was in pieces on the floor, trash fluttering all around with the stench of burning garbage filling the air. A yard duty came running over, guiding the kids away. Another yard duty rushed over and announced that lunch was ending early today. 

Everyone groaned in unison and slowly made their way back to class. Tommy got up with everyone else, sparing the burning trash one last look. 

All everyone could talk about the rest of the day was the incident at lunch. Even Dallas seemed to have forgotten about his stolen toy as he recounted the tale to Tommy’s classmates during their math class. 

“Yeah, I’m telling you, it started, like, vibrating, and then it just,” he put his hands together and then threw them out as his sides, _“Exploded!”_

“I doubt it exploded,” a girl across from Tommy said, rolling her eyes. 

Another girl spoke up, voice grating against Tommy’s eardrums. “It did blow up! I saw it, too!”

Some other kids joined in too, agreeing or disagreeing with what they’d seen.

The girl across from Tommy turned to him, cocking her head. “Thomas, did you see anything?” she asked.

The voices quieted as all the heads in the class turned to him. No one ever really spoke to Tommy unless they wanted to know if he did the homework, and he rarely did homework. He could never focus long enough and he just didn’t see the point. 

He swallowed and shrugged his shoulders. “I wasn’t looking when it happened,” he mumbled. 

Everyone immediately turned away, uninterested in the quiet kid who had no story to tell. 

Tommy breathed a sigh of relief, thankful to be out of the spotlight. He was enough of a freak as it was, with his white hair and quiet demeanor. 

The girl across from him, Amya, smiled, still watching him. “They’re stupid,” she whispered, gesturing to their classmates with a twinkle in her eye.

Tommy let out a small laugh and ducked his head. He felt a burst of warmth that she was trying to include him, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk. One sentence was enough for the day. 

Amya seemed to take the hint and turned away from him. 

He didn’t have the heart to tell her their classmates were right. 

__________

When he arrived back at his house after school, his father was waiting by the front door.

Tommy ducked his head and tried to make himself look small. His father had never physically hurt him, and neither had his mother, but all the screaming made him cautious nonetheless. 

“I got a call from your school today,” his father said in lieu of greeting. “Something about a trash can exploding,” he continued, watching Tommy as he walked into the house and set his backpack down on the floor by the kitchen table. “Know anything about that, Thomas?”

 _It’s Tommy,_ _not_ _Thomas,_ he wanted to say. 

“Yeah I heard about it. I didn’t see it, though,” he said instead, pretending to pull homework out from his backpack so he didn’t have to meet his father’s eyes.

His father hummed and crossed his arms. “The school claims it might have been a mutant with newly developed powers. I guess similar things have happened before.”

Tommy looked up, curiosity outweighing his fear. “A mutant? Like those people with superpowers?”

His father frowned and turned away, uncrossing his arms to go search through the fridge. 

“They’re not superheroes, boy, they’re nuisances, that’s what they are. Always causing damage and whatnot,” he mumbled, head inside the fridge, muffling his voice.

“Someone at my school is a mutant?” Tommy asked in awe. This was the longest conversation he’d ever had with his father and it made him uncomfortable, but the thought of a kid at his school being a mutant intrigued him. 

His father came out of the fridge with three beers in his hands. “Maybe.” He walked over to the couch and flopped down. He uncapped a bottle and searched for the TV remote, idly talking to Tommy. “They asked parents to talk to their kids about it. Said they could help the mutant kid out if they came forward. You don’t think you’re a mutant, do ya?” he asked, sparing Tommy a quick glance with one raised eyebrow.

Tommy wasn’t sure. Something had happened with the toy car and something had happened at lunch. Could that have been him? Could he, Tommy Shepherd, be a _mutant?_

Tommy ducked his head. “No,” he answered, though his heart was telling him something else.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so either,” his father said, all his attention on the TV screen. “A _Shepherd,_ having some sort of _powers?”_ His father threw his head back and laughed. “I’d win the lottery before that ever happened.”

Tommy let out a small, hollowed laugh and quickly escaped to his room. He grabbed the green car from off his wobbly nightstand and sat down on his bed. He turned it over in his hands, rolling one of the wheels with his thumb. 

He didn’t do that, did he? He couldn’t have made the car fly out of his hands. He most likely just rolled it too hard, making it seem as if it had flown out of his hands. But could a toy car even go as fast as this one had two weeks ago?

Tommy frowned. There was only one way to find out.

He peeked his head around his bedroom door and found his father engrossed in whatever show he was watching on the TV. Tommy ducked back into his room and shut the door silently. He sat down on the floor, crossing his legs. He placed the car on the floor in front of him and stared at it. 

If he had done something to the car, then what? 

He stared at it, chanting silently, willing it to move. He watched the car for what felt like hours, trying with all his might to move the little toy. Why wouldn’t it work? Did he have powers? Or was this something he couldn’t control? Were things always going to go wrong around him and he’d never know why? Was he going to grow up, having to hide this part of himself? If there was something different, something _wrong_ with him he _deserved to know-_

In front of Tommy’s eyes, the car exploded.

_The car exploded._

Thankfully, it wasn’t very loud, but it still let out a pop that reverberated around the room.

“Tommy!” his father yelled from the living room. “What was that?”

Tommy paled. It was unlikely his father would come in and investigate, but he panicked anyway. 

“I… I dropped a book!” he yelled back, afraid to move, his eyes stuck on the burning carpet in front of him.

“Well, don’t do it again!” his father responded and that was that.

Tommy leaned forward, the smell of burning plastic filling the air. There were little pieces of green and white plastic scattered around on the carpet. One little wheel had rolled under his bed.

Tommy touched the spot where the car had been and snatched his hand back at the burning heat.

His eyes widened. Did _he_ do that? It must have been him before, with the car and it must have been him with the trash can.

Tommy suddenly felt sick. Did he have powers? Could he be a mutant? He knew how much his parents despised mutants, or anyone with powers, and he didn’t want to give his parents another reason to look down on him. 

Tommy had two options. 

He could talk to his parents and have them contact the school and figure out what to do. Or he could go on pretending like everything was fine, just like he always did, and figure what was going on by himself. 

Making his decision, he walked out of his bedroom and sat on the couch, a few spaces over from his father.

He felt the metal of the car’s wheel dig into his palm and let his mind drift away from the sound of the TV.

__________

Tommy stood in the field behind his school, glaring at a line of empty beer cans stacked on an old bench. Two were already on the floor, split in half and still smoking.

He’d stolen the cans out of the trash can in his house, stuffing them into his backpack to use after school. Luckily, his father had already left for work, something that didn’t happen very often so Tommy had taken it as a sign.

He stared at the cans now, willing them to blow up on his command. He jumped when an old, deflated basketball next to him popped instead, sending a piece of rubber up into the air before it fell back to Earth.

He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that afternoon. It seemed that even if he focused his attention on one object, it didn’t necessarily mean it would be the object that exploded. For the two hours he’d been trying, only two cans had exploded and the rest of the objects he’d destroyed included an old tire, what looked like the remains of a tennis ball, and someone’s old shoe. 

Tommy groaned and lay down on the grass, putting his arms out at his side.

This was all pointless. He was doomed to live a life having to hide this side of himself, a side he didn’t know how to control. 

“Hey, kid!” a voice yelled. 

Tommy stood up fast, faster than he meant to, and he had to lean on the fence to stop himself from falling over. 

In the distance, he saw a figure walking over to him, and behind the figure was a car, with flashing blue and red lights. 

Tommy’s stomach dropped and he took a step backwards. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, setting off fireworks?” the police officer yelled at him. 

The cop seemed to think the sound of Tommy exploding things had been fireworks, and he didn’t know which option was least likely to get him in trouble. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if his parents found out he’d gotten in trouble with the law. 

The officer was still a good distance away and if Tommy got out of there now, there was a chance the cop wouldn’t be able to find him. 

So he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The world instantly blurred around him and Tommy frowned, startled at how everything suddenly felt very different. It was like he was underwater and the world was moving slower than normal. It didn’t feel like normal running. Something was wrong.

 _Stop, I need to stop,_ Tommy thought, and the world around him snapped back into focus and it took him a moment to realize he was no longer on school grounds. He was outside his house, his house that was two miles away from his school. He hadn’t even broken a sweat in the three seconds he’d been running. 

Tommy ran into the house, at a normal speed this time, and threw up in the single bathroom.

“Thomas?” his mother called from the kitchen. “Is everything alright?” 

_Damn it,_ Tommy cursed. He’d hoped no one was in the house, but it seemed like his mother had gotten off work early. He must have ran past her without noticing. 

She came into the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe. She was wearing a short, red dress and had her hair up in a fancy bun. She frowned at him.

“Did you throw up?” 

Tommy nodded and stood up to flush the toilet. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and his mother made a face.

“Do you feel hot?”

Tommy shook his head. He felt perfectly fine, besides the fact that he just got home faster than the blink of an eye which _wasn’t possible._

“Hmm,” his mother hummed, looking him over. “You head to bed, alright, I don’t want to catch anything. I’ve got to keep my job so I can put food on the table.” 

_You rarely put food on the table,_ Tommy felt like saying, but his mother was already bustling him into his bedroom. She watched from the doorway as he took off his shoes and slid under the covers. 

“I’ll go out and get you some soup, how does that sound?”

Tommy gave her a smile, knowing she was lying through her teeth. “That sounds nice.” 

“Good,” she smiled back. “Your father should be home in an hour or two. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Tommy nodded, knowing she’d be back at one in the morning, stumbling into the house and crashing on the couch. It was a Friday night so it was unlikely his father would be back soon, or even this weekend at all, but she probably didn’t remember or didn’t care. 

His mother blew him a kiss and closed his bedroom door behind her, giving him one last wave of her hand. 

As soon as he heard the front door close, he turned onto his side and buried himself under the covers and cried as hard as he could. 

He only ever wanted to be normal, with a normal house and a normal family and normal toys and normal friends. 

But, of course, he didn’t have that, and now it seemed he never would. 

If he did have powers, which seemed likely at this point, it made everything all the more difficult. 

Tommy rolled over, not bothering to wipe his tear stained face. It also seemed like his powers were triggered by how he felt and how strong he felt it. If he just buried his feelings deep, deep down then he couldn’t blow things up and he couldn’t hurt anyone. Maybe things would go back to the way they were; not perfect but normal. 

With all these thoughts swirling around in his head, Tommy fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming of running too fast and never being able to slow down. 

__________

That Monday, Tommy pretended to be sick. 

He couldn’t go to school, not when he might blow something up again and hurt someone this time. Plus, he needed to lay low. If things kept blowing up around him someone was bound to notice. 

His parents had already left by the time he got out of bed. He’d been hoping his father had gone to work today, and thankfully he had. Tommy needed time alone to think. He went and sat on the rickety porch stairs, eating stale cereal as he watched the world move around him.

He watched the sun move slowly through the sky, his neighbors go about their day, the squirrels chase each other around the trees. He sat like that for most of the day, his mind drifting further and further away as the sun sank down behind the houses.

He barely even noticed when his father came home, almost stepping on him as he walked up the stairs.

“Thomas?” he asked, looking down at Tommy. “How long have you been sitting here?”

Tommy shrugged, still staring ahead.

His father huffed and squeezed past him. “I got a call from your school today. They said you were absent,” he called from inside. “Don’t you dare skip again, I don’t want those people to keep calling me, ya hear?”

“Yes, sorry,” Tommy said back, feeling heavy. His whole body itched. He wanted to run away, but he couldn’t risk it, not with his father nearby.

His father said something else, but Tommy wasn’t listening. He went back inside, setting his bowl in the sink. He went back into his room and hid under the covers.

Nothing bad happened had happened. Maybe he’d be okay.

__________

For the next few weeks, as the end of the school year began to creep closer, Tommy’s routine consisted of going to school, going back to his house, and going to bed. He didn’t let his mind linger for too long. If he did he risked blowing something up or getting right out of his seat and bolting out of class. He’d been able to keep his emotions in check, which was difficult for a twelve year old, but still doable. 

One day, when his classes seemed to be moving as slow as drying paint and his eyes wouldn’t stay open, he decided to use his powers to get to his house. Next week was the last week of the school year and having to focus on not accidentally using his powers made him more tired than he’d ever been before. He made his way through the crowds of kids waiting for their parents to pick them up. He was too exhausted to walk the two miles to his house and the sight of the smiling parents greeting their kids grated his insides. He desperately wished to be one of those kids, hanging out with their friends until one of their parents gladly drove all the way to the school to pick them up and make sure they were safe. 

Tommy hadn’t used his powers since that day weeks ago, but he still remembered the feel of it, the feel of stepping into some other space, some other time, and feeling free. 

It was addicting and Tommy was aching for it.

Between one step and the next Tommy was gone, running to the edge of town, all the way to his house that was falling apart. It took him less than a second before he was back, the world coming into focus around him. He smiled, feeling good that he didn’t have to drag himself to his house like he’d done everyday for years, until he realized how foolish he’d been. 

Had anyone seen him? If anyone had, would they realize what had happened? Would they chalk it up to their imagination or would they piece it together?

He ignored his father on the couch as he went to his room, collapsing onto the bed. He couldn’t do it again. It would be so much easier, but it wasn’t worth the risk. No matter what happened, he wouldn’t use his powers again. 

Tommy sat up when he heard raised voices outside his room. His mother must have come into the house after him. Sometimes, Tommy thought his parents created their work schedule so they wouldn’t have to be at the house at the same time. His father left early and came back early. His mother left late and came back late and it seemed that she had gotten off early today. 

Something wasn’t right.

Tommy slid off his bed and poked his head around the doorway. His mother was standing in front of the TV, arms crossed as she shook her head. His father sat on the couch behind her, the same expression on his face.

“I was going to go to the bar with Rachel and now look at this,” she said, gesturing to the TV. She shook her head again. “They just ruin everything.”

Shockingly, Tommy’s father nodded in agreement. 

Tommy frowned and went out into the living room and his confusion immediately cleared. On the small screen, it showed the bar in the town over from Springfield, the one his mother always went to and the one his father always avoided. There was a large hole in the middle of the roof, charred around the edges as flames licked up into the evening air. Tommy spotted firefighters on the ground, attempting to put the fire out.

The camera zoomed in on a girl being handcuffed and pulled toward a cop car, eyes red and hands as bright as the sun. 

That was one thing his parents could always agree on; despising mutants. 

“She looks scared,” Tommy blurted without thinking.

His parents’ heads swiveled around to glare at him and he felt himself shrink. Their looks reminded Tommy why he rarely spoke up.

His father frowned. “Yeah, ‘course she is, the cops are takin’ her away. She better be scared of what they’re gonna do to her.”

Tommy didn’t mean it that way. He meant that she seemed horrified by what she’d done, by who she was, not the consequences.

“Thomas, you’re too young to understand,” his mother added. She was watching the TV again, eyebrows furrowed. 

Tommy hated when adults said that. His parents seemed to think he was old enough to walk two miles to school and back and tend to his own meals, but he wasn’t old enough to understand when someone wasn’t being treated right? He shot his parents a dark look when they’d both turned their attention back to the news. 

As Tommy continued to watch, the girl looked up at the camera and stared, as if she could feel all the people watching her through the screen. The look she sent the camera made Tommy flinch.

She didn’t look scared. She looked _terrified._

That could have been Tommy if someone had seen him today, that could still be Tommy if he didn’t learn to control his powers. He could be the one on TV, his parents watching with shaking heads, hating every fiber of his being and Tommy hating himself just as much. 

He slinked out of the room silently, his parents grumbling about how the government needed to do something. He ignored the sound of talking that eventually morphed into yelling and he ignored the slam of the front door and he ignored the sound of his father opening the fridge for the fourth time because all he could think about was the girl on TV, with her fire burning skin and her tear filled eyes, so much like himself and yet not at all. 

__________

When Tommy walked through the school gates on the last Monday of the school year, the boy whose toy he’d stolen, Dallas, was waiting for him. 

“I saw you,” he said, adjusting his backpack strap. 

Tommy looked around to make sure he wasn’t talking to someone else. When it was clear Dallas really was talking to him, Tommy dumbly asked, “What?” 

Dallas had only ever said a handful of words to Tommy and he doubted Dallas even remembered them. 

“Yesterday,” the other boy continued, running a hand through his brown hair, “I was waiting for my mom to pick me up and I was gonna ask you if you understood the math homework, but then suddenly you were gone.”

Tommy tried to keep his expression neutral and took a small step back. “Yeah, I walked to my house like I do everyday,” he said, playing it off. 

Dallas smirked. That look made Tommy want to bolt, but then Dallas placed a hand on his arm, and for some reason the gesture calmed and scared him at the same time. 

“Come on, man. You’re the mutant, right? That the school told us about?”

Tommy didn’t know what to say, so he just shrugged Dallas’s hand off his arm. He glanced around them to make sure no one had heard the other boy’s outburst. Luckily, no one was paying attention to them.

Tommy looked back at him, and Dallas rolled his eyes, laughing. “Don’t look so freaked out! It’s cool!”

Tommy frowned. “It is?” No one had ever talked about Tommy and said the word cool in the same sentence before.

Dallas nodded. “Do you wanna sit with us tomorrow?” He gestured behind him, to a group of three boys talking a few feet away. 

That took Tommy by surprise. “What? Why?”

“Um, because it’d be awesome to have someone with powers in our group.” He laughed. “Come on, Thomas.” 

That made Tommy deflate a little. They didn’t want him, they just wanted him because of his powers. 

“It’s Tommy,” he said.

Dallas’s smile faltered. “What?” 

“My name. It’s Tommy, not Thomas.”

Dallas shrugged. “Okay. So is that a yes, Tommy?” 

And, well, Tommy didn’t have much of a choice did he? He’d never had friends before and the happiness of finally having them outweighed the fear of others knowing what he was. He wanted friends even if they wanted him for a different reason.

“Okay,” he said, and Dallas slapped a hand on his back.

“Hell yeah, dude!” He used the hand on his back to guide Tommy to his group of friends, causing Tommy to stumble his way over. “Guys, this is Thom- Tommy, and he’s gonna hang out with us.”

The three other boys nodded their heads at him and one boy with blonde, curly hair, smiled. 

“Cool. I’m Aiden,” he said, and then pointed at one of the other boys. “That’s Jake.” 

A boy with pale skin and black hair flashed him a smile. “Sup,” he said.

Tommy gave him a little wave, feeling more like an outsider than he’d ever been before.

“And this is Nick,” Aiden said, knocking his shoulder against the tall boy standing next to him. 

“Hey,” he said, nodding his head toward Tommy. 

“Not to be a total dick,” the boy, Jake, spoke up, looking between Tommy and Dallas. “But is there a reason you’re hanging out with us when we only have one week of school left or…?” He raised one eyebrow and waited.

Dallas looked at Tommy. “Can I tell them?”

He shouldn’t, Tommy knew that. He was risking everything if he told these boys. They could accidentally tell a classmate and then word could get back to his parents and he didn’t want to think about what would happen if they knew. 

It was dangerous and stupid but when Aiden looked up at him excitedly, genuinely interested in what Tommy was about to tell them, it made him cave. Tommy wanted people to be excited in his presence. He wanted people to call friends more than anything. 

“I’m a mutant,” Tommy blurted and the words settled heavily on his tongue. The words were out and there was no way to put them back. “I think,” he added, as if that would someone lessen the power of what he’d said. 

There was clear shock on the boys’ faces and Dallas jumped in, looking proud that he’d found the mutant kid before them. “He was the guy who blew up the trash can.”

That caused a murmur of awe from the other boys, and Jake nodded his head, impressed.

“I mean, I didn’t _mean_ to do it,” Tommy insisted, leaning away from them.

Dallas shrugged. “Well, it was still cool.”

“But I could’ve hurt someone-”

“But you didn’t,” Aiden cut in. “So you can admit it’s cool.” 

Tommy looked around at the other boys. They were looking at him like he was the best thing they’d ever seen. No one had ever looked at Tommy like that.

A small, cocky smile appeared on Tommy’s face and he shrugged. “Yeah, I guess it was kinda cool,” he said, even though the memory of it made his blood run cold. 

His new friends laughed and Dallas clapped him on the back again. The bell for first period rang and the boys mumbled to each other as they began to part ways. 

“Wait,” Tommy blurted. 

The boys turned around and Dallas frowned, confused. 

“Can you guys keep this a secret?” he asked, feeling like he was asking someone not to tell his crush that he liked them. It was more than just a little secret that he’d given them; it was his whole life now in the hands of four boys. 

Aiden moved first, a small nod of his head and then the others were nodding along too.

“Sure, man,” Dallas said. “It’ll be our secret.”

 _Our secret._ That made Tommy smile and he happily waved goodbye to them as they went to class. 

He couldn’t contain his feelings throughout class. The idea of having friends and having people to hang out with everyday at lunch made him want to dance in his seat. 

Luckily, he made it to lunch without any incidents. Only a lightbulb had popped in his English class and the teacher assumed it had something to do with the electrics, not a mutant ecstatic to have friends. 

When the lunch bell rang and his classmates rushed out the door, Tommy suddenly wondered if this was all some big joke. What if he got to the lunch tables and Dallas and his friends actually didn’t want to hang out with him anymore? What if they’d told a teacher he was a mutant? What if the teacher had called his parents? 

Tommy walked to the lunch tables with dread in the pit of his stomach. He kept looking around, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for someone to run up and tell him it was all a trick to get him to confess. Reaching the lunch area, he sped up a little, as if him being late would make the boys forget he existed.

Aiden spotted him first and waved him over, a big smile on his face.

Tommy immediately felt ten pounds lighter. Aiden’s smile washed away all of Tommy’s fears as he made his way through the crowds of screaming kids. 

“Hey, guys,” Tommy said, setting his paper bag on the table. It wasn’t much for lunch, just an apple and a bag of stale cereal, but it was better than nothing. 

“Hey, Thomas,” Dallas said, looking up and smiling.

Tommy’s smile dimmed slightly. “It’s Tommy.”

“Oh, right, sorry dude,” he said and turned back to Nick. 

Tommy pulled the apple out of his bag and Aiden nudged his shoulder.

“He can be a little bit of an ass sometimes,” he whispered. “You get used to it.”

Jake nodded beside him, shoveling what looked like Goldfish crackers into his mouth. 

“It’s fine,” Tommy said, biting into his apple. 

He wasn’t sure how to have lunch with friends. What were they supposed to talk about? What did they normally talk about? Their classes? Sports? TV shows?

Before he could say something, most likely something stupid, Aiden leaned into Tommy’s space and fiddled with his hair. 

Tommy felt his cheeks heat up at the closeness of Aiden’s face, and he yanked his head back, a little bit faster than what should have been normal. “What’re you doing?” 

“Do you dye your hair?” Aiden asked, still looking up at Tommy’s head, eyes wide. 

“Uh, no,” Tommy answered.

“So it was white when you were born?”

Tommy nodded and Aiden leaned back, finally allowing Tommy’s cheeks to return to their normal color. “Yeah. Pretty sure.” 

_“Cool,”_ Aiden breathed. 

“Hey,” Dallas called from the other side of the table. “You guys wanna come over to my house on Saturday? It’ll officially be summer,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Aiden whooped and Jake nodded. Nick must have already agreed because Dallas turned to Tommy, waiting.

Was Dallas asking Tommy to hang out at his house? Wouldn’t it be weird if Tommy went? He’d only known them a day, why would they want to spend their summer with _him?_

“Well, Tommy? Are you coming or what?” Dallas asked, quieting Tommy’s fears.

He felt his chest warm. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be there.”

And just like that, Tommy had friends. 

__________

The summer went by in a haze of heat and long nights.

Tommy spent most of his days at Dallas’s house. He didn’t know much about Aiden’s, Jake’s, and Nick’s family life but it seemed that there was an unspoken rule among them that they would always meet up at Dallas’s house. That was fine with Tommy as long as it got him out of his own house.

The only problem was that Dallas lived on the other side of town. At first, Tommy had walked all the way, but he’d ended up late and made some excuse, not wanting to admit where he lived. He’d then decided to use his speed power to get to Dallas’s. The only time he used his powers was when his friends asked, which wasn’t often and only in places where no one else was around. He was able to concentrate now and focus on the object he wanted to explode. But, for some reason, Tommy still hadn’t told them about his other power, his speed, yet. He wasn’t sure why but he never felt the need to bring it up, until one day. 

The sun was beating down against Tommy’s neck and he wouldn’t have been surprised if the sun decided to melt right out of the bright blue sky. He was, like every day that summer, at Dallas’s house, a big, gorgeous building that Tommy couldn’t even fathom existed, much less in a town like Springfield. 

They were teaching Tommy how to skateboard, claiming that in order to be in their friend group he needed to know how to do it. Dallas, Jake, and Nick had gone back into the house to get snacks, claiming they needed “sustenance” to be able to skate and Tommy was never one to decline food. They’d left Aiden and Tommy in the middle of the street, Tommy on the skateboard and Aiden giving him pointers.

They’d been at this for an hour or two now and Tommy was happy to admit he was improving. He couldn’t seem to place his feet correctly on the board, though, and Aiden huffed at him, impatient. 

“No, like this,” he said, placing a hand on Tommy’s waist and Tommy let out a squeak. 

Between one blink and the next he was all the way down the road, screaming at the top of his lungs as the skateboard flew out from under him and he went sailing into a bush. 

“Tommy?” Aiden yelled, moving forward as if he could catch up to him.

Dallas came out of the house, a bag of pretzels in his arms. “Uh, what happened?” 

Jake and Nick came out after him, glancing between Tommy’s distant figure, who was struggling to get out of the bush, and Aiden, who looked just as confused as the rest of them.

Tommy’s face was bright red as he scrambled out of Dallas’s neighbor’s plants and dusted himself off, wishing a hole would appear under his feet and swallow him up. Dallas, Aiden, Jake and Nick ran over to him, breathing hard. Nick put his hands on his knee and tried to catch his breath.

“We were gone for thirty seconds,” Jake said in between breaths. “How’d you get all the way down here?” 

Tommy looked at Aiden, but Aiden was just watching him, confusion clear on his face. He guessed now was a better time than any to tell them. 

“Um… Right, so, I can kinda move faster than the speed of light,” Tommy admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

His friends’ faces fell slack and Nick sat down hard on the gravel road.

“No, no, dude you’re lying,” Dallas said, eyes wide.

Tommy shook his head. “I’ll prove it.” 

Before any of the boys could say anything Tommy was gone, appearing suddenly back where they’d previously been, in front of Dallas’s house. 

_“What the shit?”_ Dallas screamed, voice echoing down the road.

Tommy flinched. He really didn’t want any of Dallas’s neighbors to come out and see what was going on. He sped back to them, immediately by Aiden’s side, causing the boy to jump back.

Tommy let out a small laugh. “Sorry.” 

Dallas was looking at him like he was some kind of god. “How come you never told us this?” 

Shrugging, Tommy said, “It didn’t seem important.” 

“Are you kidding me? This is _awesome!”_ Dallas yelled. “Wait, oh my god, can you use your powers to make me go fast on my skateboard?”

Tommy looked around at his friends. They were all nodding, eager to see what would happen next. 

He looked back at Dallas and shrugged again. “I can try.” 

Dallas ended up with his face in his parents’ rose bushes, vomiting, but Tommy had never laughed so hard in his life before. 

He went to bed that night thinking about laughter and the summer sun and the sound of wheels against gravel. As he drifted off to sleep, his mind briefly flickered to the memory of Aiden’s hand on his waist.

He wondered what that meant. 


	2. Thirteen Years Old (Eighth Grade)

Eighth grade rolled around and, for once, Tommy wasn’t dreading going to school. He’d have friends to laugh with in class and he’d have friends to sit with at lunch and, most importantly, he’d have friends who knew his secret and seemed perfectly fine with it.

On the morning of the first day of school, Tommy rode over to Dallas’s house on Dallas’s old skateboard. Dallas had said his parents were going to get him a new skateboard anyway and that Tommy could have his old one if he wanted. Tommy, who’d never owned more than the clothes on his back, had enthusiastically taken him up on the offer. 

He stopped his skateboard outside Dallas’s house and gave Jake a fistbump from where he sat on the curb. Aiden and Nick both nodded at him and Tommy nodded back. They’d become close over the summer and Tommy finally felt like one of them. 

They began talking about their schedules for the upcoming school year and, as Jake began to tell Tommy a story involving a broken pen and his old math teacher, Dallas rushed out of the house.

 _“Guys!_ ” he said urgently. “Come here!” He ran back inside without another word.

Aiden groaned and threw his hands up. He stomped into the house, Tommy, Jake, and Nick following behind him. “Dallas, we’re going to be late, can’t this...” he trailed off, eyes latching onto the TV. 

Tommy came up behind him and let out a quiet gasp at the scene. 

The camera was shaky and dust was flying everywhere, but it was clear to see what was going on. The Avengers were somewhere in a crowded city, most likely New York, battling villains Tommy couldn’t name. A figure on fire flew past the camera, followed by three more figures in blue. It seemed like the Fantastic Four had arrived. Tommy’s mother never watched TV and even though his father watched TV frequently, it was never for the news, so Tommy watched it all unfold with rapt attention. 

“This is awesome,” Jake breathed. That was the most emotion Tommy had ever heard in his voice before, but Tommy wasn’t going to disagree with him. 

It _was_ awesome.

Aiden crossed his arms. “The Avengers fight like once a day. Sometimes they fight each other. Why is this suddenly interesting?” 

“Because _look,”_ Dallas said, pointing to a white haired blur that was moving quickly across the screen. 

Aiden quirked an eyebrow. “Quicksilver?” he asked as if Dallas was speaking a language he didn’t know. “What about him?”

Dallas crossed his arms, mimicking Aiden. “Doesn’t he remind you of a certain white haired friend of ours?” 

All eyes in the room turned to Tommy and he frowned, suddenly self conscious. 

“Why are you looking at me?” 

“Quicksilver has white hair _and_ speed powers.”

Tommy sensed where this was going and he barely stopped himself from running over to Dallas and slapping a hand over his mouth. He wanted to stop the words from falling out, but it seemed like slow motion as Dallas said them, like honey was slipping down his chin rather than a raging waterfall.

“What if you’re related to him?” 

Tommy had to stop himself from flinching. He didn’t want them to see how badly the idea bothered him. “That’s stupid,” he grumbled. 

“But it would make sense!” Dallas continued. “How else would you have gotten your powers?”

Tommy glared at Dallas, wishing he would just drop it. “Maybe like every other mutant.”

“But the hair, man,” Nick jumped in, his chin in his hand as he nodded, assessing Tommy. 

“I’ve seen pictures of me with my mother in the hospital after I was born,” Tommy said, slowly getting angrier. 

“Photoshop,” Jake said, splayed out on Dallas’s couch like this conversation was the most boring thing he’d taken part in.

“Or your mom could’ve had an affair,” Dallas said. 

The thing was, it kind of made sense, and that’s what made Tommy so mad, that the thought of having Quicksilver as a father and then leaving Tommy with parents who barely looked after him _sucked._ _It fucking sucked._ Being the son of a superhero would change everything. It would upend everything Tommy had thought in order to keep himself sane. Being a superhero’s son and being left in _New Jersey_ with the _Shepherds?_ That was like being dumped in a river and being told to swim when he obviously didn’t know how to. It was easier to believe he’d been born unlucky than been forgotten. 

If, for a reason Tommy couldn’t figure out, his father really was Quicksilver, why had he left him? Why had he decided to have a kid and then just _give him up,_ and to the Shepherds, no less? Had he figured out that Tommy was going to be a lost cause? Had he been _happy_ to give him up? Had he seen a future where Tommy was nothing but a fuck-up and thought, _On second thought, I don’t want this_?

An audible crack sounded through the room and the boys all jumped. Simultaneously, they looked toward the source of the noise and Tommy took a step back. The TV screen was cracked in the middle, a deep, jagged slash. It looked like a lightning bolt and felt like anger.

Dallas turned to Tommy, face red. “Tommy? What the hell? You broke my fucking TV!” He turned back to the TV and groaned loudly. “Oh my _god,_ my parents are gonna kill me.” 

“Dallas,” Aiden snapped. “Can we please just talk about this later?” He started toward the front door, not looking back. “My mom’ll kill me if I’m late to class.” His voice faded as he walked away. “It’s _literally_ the first day.”

Dallas ignored Aiden and groaned again, putting his head in his hands. “How do I explain this to my parents?” He lifted his head up and glared at Tommy. “And it’s not like I can say it was your freaky powers, they’d flip if they knew you were a mutant.”

Tommy recoiled as if he’d been slapped. He knew Dallas didn’t mean it that way, but his words still stung. He didn’t need to be reminded that half of the world hated people like him.

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said, ducking his head.

Dallas sighed and looked away. “It’s whatever, I’ll figure it out. Just don’t do it again,” he said. He pushed past Tommy on his way to the front door, Jake and Nick following.

No one talked as they rode their skateboards to school, and Aiden was the only one who said goodbye to Tommy when they went to their first class. Thankfully, they all seemed back to normal during lunch. Dallas let Tommy have some of his sandwich and Aiden kept knocking his knee with Tommy’s. Nick even laughed at Tommy’s joke which made Tommy feel like he should’ve won a prize or something.

The first three months of eighth grade flew by and Tommy had never felt so content before. He still avoided his parents whenever he was at his house, but when he was with his friends he felt genuinely happy. 

Tommy never wanted it to end.

“Hey, Tommy,” Dallas said on a cold, November day, causing Tommy to look up from his food.

“What?” he asked, poking the soggy cafeteria salad. If Tommy wasn’t constantly starving, he’d never eat school food. He shoveled more into his mouth, upset his stomach didn’t seem to know the word _full_ or even _stop._

“You know Julia, the girl in our PE class?”

Tommy nodded. He knew Julia. She was a short girl, with dark hair and pretty, green eyes. She was always nice to Tommy and often included him in conversations in their shared gym class.

“Well, I heard she has a crush on you,” Dallas said, smirking ever so slightly. 

Tommy felt Aiden stiffen beside him.

“Oh,” Tommy said. He’d never been in a situation like this before. How was he supposed to react? He liked Julia. She was nice and pretty, but he didn’t like her like that. But maybe he could. “Cool.”

“You should ask her out,” Dallas said and Jake nodded from Dallas’s other side. 

Tommy shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Come on man, don’t you want some of that?” Jake grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. 

_Want some of what?_ Tommy thought, but they were all nodding at his comment so he said, “Yeah, obviously,” and laughed along with them, wondering why Aiden wasn’t laughing too.

During PE that day, they were forced to run the mile. All of Tommy’s classmates groaned at the news while Tommy fought to hide a smile. He _liked_ running the mile. It didn’t tire him out like it did his peers and it let Tommy clear his mind. He was always the person in front and the teacher had noticed and commented on his stamina, saying how Tommy should think about joining the high school track team the following year. Tommy had ducked his head and mumbled that he’d think about it. The idea wasn’t terrible and he thought he’d actually be pretty good at it, something he thought wasn’t possible in other areas of his schooling. Tommy had never been good at anything, at least, nothing that mattered. 

As he thought about the track team, debating whether he’d prefer running sprints or long distance, he noticed Dallas moving across the field to Julia and her friend. Watching Dallas as Tommy continued running, he saw him jog over to Julia’s friend and whisper something to her. Julia’s friend giggled and when Dallas ran ahead of them, she said something into Julia’s ear. Julia’s head snapped up and she met Tommy’s eyes before looking away quickly. Dallas called Tommy’s name and he slowed down, waiting for Dallas to catch up. 

“Okay, so,” he wheezed. “Man, I hate your freaky mutant power.” He held a hand over his side, groaning.

Tommy laughed, but looked around them to make sure no one had heard Dallas. There were a few people behind him, including Julia and her friend, but they weren’t close enough to hear. 

“Okay, as I was saying,” Dallas continued, still breathing hard. “Once you hit the side of the gym, go around to the back and wait there.”

Tommy stopped running. “What? Why?”

Dallas made a noise and pulled Tommy’s arm to keep him moving. _“Because,”_ he said, sounding exasperated, “Julia’s going to come and _make out with you,”_ he said, and then proceeded to make kissing noises.

“Ew, man, stop,” Tommy said, smacking his shoulder, causing Dallas to laugh. 

“No, but I’m serious though,” he insisted. 

Tommy continued jogging, the gym slowly coming closer. Would it hurt to kiss Julia? All his friends seemed happy for him so it couldn’t be bad. And Julia was pretty. Maybe it would be fun.

“Yeah, okay,” Tommy agreed, almost at the gym.

Dallas punched the air. “Hell yeah, man. Oh, and put in a good word for me so she passes it on to her friend,” he added, winking and running backwards to where Julia and her friend were.

Tommy rolled his eyes and jogged toward the back of the gym, making sure his PE teacher wasn’t looking. He could always catch up to everyone later.

He waited about a minute, leaning against the back of the gym and kicking the grass at his feet, when Julia came around the side.

“Hi,” she said, a little out of breath and blushing, though Tommy didn’t know if it was from the running or because of what they were about to do.

“Hi,” Tommy said back, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

She moved closer to him, leaning against the wall like Tommy was. She was pretty, even in the school’s PE clothes, he noted. She had dark, thick eyebrows and light freckles just below her green eyes.

She looked up and caught him staring and they both turned away, blushing.

Julia glanced back at Tommy and when he found the courage to look at her again, she blurted, “Dallas told my friend you wanted to kiss me.”

Tommy wanted to shrug, but that felt rude so he nodded his head. “Um… Yeah, I do,” he said, even though he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to or not.

“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” Julia admitted, blushing even deeper.

Tommy felt his body sag with relief. “I haven’t either!” he said, maybe a little too loudly. 

Julia looked up and smiled and Tommy realized this was a genuine smile. 

“That makes me feel better.” 

She was even prettier when she smiled. 

_Maybe this will be nice,_ Tommy thought. And suddenly, looking at her smiling, smiling at _him,_ he had the urge to kiss her.

He rushed out, “Can I kiss you?”

Julia let out a breath and nodded. “Yes,” she said, and before he could overthink it, Tommy leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

It was a weird feeling, but it wasn’t bad. Julia was sweet and she was pretty, but as he kissed her Tommy thought it’d be nicer if he was kissing someone he actually liked, someone he knew well and trusted. Someone like Amya, who’d been in his math class the previous year and had talked to him when no one else had, or someone like-

Julia pulled away, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She cleared her throat. “That… That was nice.”

“Yeah,” Tommy agreed, stopping himself from wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. It was nice and it was fun, but it wasn’t _good,_ not like how lovestruck teenagers described it on TV. 

_Maybe_ , a voice said from somewhere deep in the back of his mind, _it’s because you don’t know what love is. Love could be staring you in the face and you wouldn’t be able to put a name to it._

“We should, um, we should probably get back,” Julia said, dragging Tommy out of his thoughts. “The teacher might notice we’re missing.”

“Oh, right,” Tommy said, nodding, leaning away from her. “You go first, I’ll catch up.”

“I’m sure you will,” Julia flirted, face still a little red.

Tommy laughed as she ran off.

“You weren’t first today, Thomas,” the teacher noted when he finally completed the mile, somehow still finishing before half of his class. 

“Oh, um.” Tommy rubbed his thigh, pretending to be in pain. “I think I hurt my leg the other day,” he lied. 

The teacher frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” she said. “You should ice it when you get home.”

Tommy told her he would and when he walked away, he caught a glimpse of Julia whispering excitedly to her friends as they went into the girls’ locker room. 

He couldn’t stop himself from grinning. 

__________

Tommy and Julia continued kissing behind the gym for about two weeks before she decided to stop. They hadn’t even become boyfriend and girlfriend before she’d decided they worked better as friends. 

At first he was crushed, but it was just middle school and he knew that what they’d had wasn’t bound to last long. It still hurt to have someone decide he wasn’t worth it anymore. 

During that time, Dallas started dating Julia’s friend, Meghan. Aiden had whispered to Tommy one day at lunch that it seemed like Dallas had used Tommy and Julia’s relationship to get to Meghan. Tommy hadn’t responded. He’d watched Dallas with a frown on his face and pretended he hadn’t heard Aiden. 

The rest of eighth grade for Tommy consisted of hanging out with his friends, kissing girls, and pretending he couldn’t hear his parents’ voices growing louder and louder. 

During a sweltering day in February, Tommy arrived late to lunch. He’d been making out with a girl behind a classroom and they’d stopped once she mentioned she had to go talk to a teacher before lunch ended. She’d given him a little wave as she walked away and he’d waved back, lips still tingling. 

His friends whistled when he sat down at the lunch table and he shoved Jake who was making kissing noises.

“Real mature, asshats,” Tommy said and stuck his tongue out at them. 

Dallas, who’d broken up with Meghan two months ago, leaned over the table. “Who was it this time?” 

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Tommy said, setting his brown paper bag down. It wasn’t necessarily true. He only told his friends who he’d kissed if the girl was okay with other people knowing. He knew what it was like for someone to have power over you because of a secret. Kissing was fun and it made Tommy feel liked, made him feel wanted, but if a girl didn’t feel comfortable he never pushed her. 

Nick made booing noises and Tommy flipped him the bird. He glanced at Aiden, but he was staring down at his food. Tommy frowned but ignored him, assuming he didn’t have anything to say.

But over the next few weeks, he noticed Aiden seemed to distance himself from Tommy. Whenever Tommy asked if he wanted to hang out, Aiden made excuses that obviously weren’t true. He’d even gone as far as to sit beside Nick, rather than his usual spot next to Tommy at their lunch table.

“Hey, Dallas?” Tommy asked as he dodged a cow in Moo Moo Meadows. They were sat on the floor in Dallas’s room, staring intently at the TV. 

Dallas hummed in acknowledgement, shouting when a red shell hit his vehicle.

“Is Aiden mad at me or something? He’s barely talked to me in weeks.”

Dallas shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe he’s in a mood. You know Aiden, he kinda keeps to himself. I’m sure he’ll be back to normal soon.”

Tommy nodded. He’d only been friends with Aiden for about a few months while Dallas had known him for years. He took Dallas at his word. 

Tommy groaned when he realized Dallas was in first place and used his power up to slow him down. He let out a whoop as he crossed the finish line and Dallas immediately asked for a rematch.

Dallas was probably right. Things would go back to normal. 

Except it was now the last day of school and Aiden had barely said more than ten words to Tommy since last month when he’d had that conversation with Dallas. 

That evening was graduation, if you could call moving from middle school to high school _graduating,_ and Tommy’s parents hadn’t shown up. He sat up in the foldable chair and searched the crowd of smiling families, but he couldn’t spot them. Either they didn’t remember or they didn’t care. Tommy wasn’t sure which option was worse. His mother had told him a few weeks before that she was divorcing his father, though Tommy didn’t understand why she’d explained it like it was a bad thing. They couldn’t go five minutes without biting each other’s heads off. Maybe that had been the last straw for both of them. Maybe now they were going to forget they’d ever had a kid together in the first place. 

When the principal read his name, pulling him out of his thoughts, and he walked across the stage, he was shocked to find he was proud of himself. Middle school hadn’t been hard, but it hadn’t been easy either, and unlike other kids, he’d had to deal with discovering his powers all on his own. It seemed like the worst was behind him. 

When the ceremony was over and he’d taken pictures with his friends, Dallas wove through the crowd to announce there was going to be a party at his house later that night. 

“We’re high schoolers, baby!” Dallas yelled, sweeping Jake up into a hug after he’d spread the word. 

Jake cheered and pumped his fists into the air. Tommy glanced at Aiden and Nick and found them cheering along. It felt good to see Aiden acting like his old self, even if it wasn’t aimed at Tommy.

Dallas set Jake down and asked them all to arrive at his house earlier than everyone else. “I need help,” he whispered and slung his arm around Aiden and Tommy’s necks. They started walking back to the parking lot with Nick and Jake walking beside them and Dallas’s parents trailing behind, making small talk with Nick’s parents. “I need like fifty cases of beer by tonight,” he explained.

“Beer?” Aiden asked, shoving Dallas’s arm off him. “How’re you getting that?”

Dallas turned to Tommy and pouted, fluttering his eyelashes.

“What?” Tommy looked between Aiden and Dallas until it dawned on him. “Wait, wait, wait, you want _me_ to get you beer?”

Throwing up his hands, Dallas yelled “Ding, ding, ding! Ten points to Mr. Shepherd!” He danced around in the parking lot and Jake threw his head back, laughing.

Dallas’s parents had stopped at the school gate, talking to Nick’s parents. Tommy awkwardly stood to the side, watching his friends laugh. Aiden was crossing his arms and staring at Dallas warily.

“How am I supposed to get alcohol?” Tommy asked.

Dallas stopped dancing and shrugged. “Use your powers. Duh.”

Tommy flinched. The parking lot wasn’t full, but it wasn’t empty either. A few parents and their children stood by cars, talking before heading home. No one was paying attention to them, but the least Dallas could do was lower his voice.

“And how are you getting that past your parents?” Aiden cut in.

Dallas grinned and danced over to him. “They’re leaving for my sister’s graduation tonight. She goes to college in another state.”

“And why aren’t you going?” Aiden frowned.

Dallas coughed and leaned on Aiden, pretending to swoon. “I’m sick.”

“Ditching your sister’s graduation just to throw a party?” Aiden rolled his eyes and shoved Dallas off him again. “That’s low, man, even for you.”

Dallas shrugged and looked at them all, a mad glint in his eyes. “So are you guys gonna come?” 

They all nodded, including Tommy, and before he knew it, Tommy was sitting in Dallas’s living room, watching a girl with blue nail polish lean forward to spin a glass bottle as he sat in a circle with his friends and other people from his grade.

Tommy, like Dallas had asked, had used his powers to get drinks for the party. He’d run in and out of the liquor store near his house, putting the beer into Jake and Nick’s backpacks until they were full. The store owners had never even noticed what was going on because Tommy was too fast for them to see, but he still felt awful for what he’d done. He’d only felt better after Jake had placed his hand on his shoulder and told him, “That was fucking awesome, dude.”

At Dallas’s house, he hadn’t wanted to drink the beer he’d stolen, but Dallas had shoved a cup into his hand and told him to “lighten the fuck up.” He’d glanced at Jake who’d shrugged and tipped the cup back, chugging it all. Tommy had chosen to drink his slowly, afraid that he’d get drunk and cause his powers to go haywire, but the alcohol didn’t seem to be affecting him at all. After Dallas had forced drinks into their hands, he’d gathered a group of people in the living room and started a game of spin the bottle. 

Tommy felt like he was in a teen movie. That was the only way to describe it. He’d kissed two girls so far and Nick and Dallas had each kissed one. It was a fun, pointless game and looking around at all these other teens made Tommy feel like he belonged. 

He watched as the girl with the blue nail polish spun the bottle and it went round and round and round until it slowed, landing on Aiden. Tommy looked up and found Aiden already looking at him, eyes wide as if in fear. 

_Why does he look like that?_ Tommy thought. He wasn’t sure if Aiden had kissed anyone before but kissing wasn’t something to be scared of. But then again, hadn’t Tommy been nervous before he’d kissed Julia? Maybe Aiden was also nervous.

The girl who’d spun the bottle stood up, blushing as she tucked her hair behind her ears. Aiden was still watching Tommy and Tommy gestured to the girl, trying to convey that Aiden was leaving her hanging.

At that, Aiden’s face twisted into something nasty and he stood up fast, balling his hands into fists. “This game’s fucking lame,” he snapped. 

The girl flinched. Her friend reached up and lightly touched her hand. 

“I’m out,” Aiden mumbled and left the room.

The room went quiet as everyone looked at the girl. She was bright red and looked like she was holding back tears. Her friend stood up and wrapped her hand around her wrist and gently pulled her out of the room. Tommy heard her whispering that Aiden didn’t know what he was missing and that he was a piece of shit anyway. 

The thing was, Aiden _wasn’t_ a piece of shit. He was one of the nicest people Tommy knew, and he’d never acted like this before. 

“I’ll go talk to him,” Tommy announced to the room, standing up. 

Dallas barely noticed, waving him on and reaching forward to spin the bottle again. 

Tommy searched the whole house until he found Aiden in Dallas’s family’s spare bedroom, sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, knees tucked up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. Tommy walked into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. Aiden didn’t look up.

Tommy stood over him and nudged his shoe with his own. “What’s wrong with you?” Tommy asked, tone slightly harsh. He deserved an explanation as to why Aiden had been ignoring him for the past few months. “That girl almost started crying.”

“I don’t care about her,” Aiden snapped, finally looking up. His eyes looked red and Tommy clamped his mouth shut. He’d never seen Aiden like this before.

“Oh.” Tommy sat down beside him, his back against the side of the bed. “So you didn’t want to kiss her? You could’ve just said that, rather than make a big scene.” 

Aiden sighed and his shoulders slumped, like the fight had gone out of him. “I know. I’m sorry… I just…”

Tommy frowned. “Just what?”

Aiden rested his cheek against his arm and looked up at Tommy from under his lashes. From this angle, his cheek was squished and he looked sadder than before. “Sometimes I feel… Different.” He looked away and chewed his bottom lip. “And I wonder if anyone feels like me.”

Tommy shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

Aiden sighed. “Sometimes,” he started to explain, “I wonder if I’m the only person in the world who feels a certain way, but then I know that can’t be true. Someone must be feeling, or have felt, what I’m feeling right now. But without knowing if someone has, I feel isolated. Lonely.” He looked back at Tommy. “I need to know I’m not alone.”

“Oh,” Tommy said. “I get that.” He’d felt that way when he’d realized he was a mutant. He’d desperately wanted to know that someone else had felt as alone and scared as he did in that moment. “You know you can tell me what’s going on. I’m your friend.”

“I don’t know how to say it. I don’t think I _can_ say it.”

Tommy frowned. “Well, is there any other way you could explain it to me?”

Aiden hesitated and then slowly nodded. Before Tommy could say anything else, Aiden leaned forward and pressed his lips to Tommy’s, cupping his jaw gently with his hand. 

His lips were soft and Tommy subconsciously closed his eyes and leaned into it. It was a nice kiss and Tommy barely noticed when his hand tangled with Aiden’s curls. The feel of Aiden’s hair against his fingers made him open his eyes in shock. He violently jerked back when he realized what he was doing. He wasn’t kissing a _girl._ He was kissing _Aiden_ and that would ruin everything. 

Tommy scrambled backwards to put distance between them. “Why did you do that?” he asked, voice hoarse.

Aiden frowned, running a hand through his hair. “Because I don’t understand why you kiss all those girls when you could be kissing _me,”_ he said, pointing to himself so hard his finger wrinkled his shirt. 

Tommy floundered. What did Aiden mean by _that?_

“I kiss girls because I _like_ kissing girls. I like girls,” Tommy said dumbly, as if it wasn’t obvious.

And it was true. He did like girls. He’d liked Amya awhile back and even though he realized now that he’d never really had a crush on Julia, it’d still been fun to kiss her. 

“But…” Aiden trailed off, his face closing off. “I thought… I thought you… Are you sure?”

Tommy was only sure of a few things in his life, like that the sky was blue and that he despised his parents and that he liked girls. 

Tommy nodded. “Are you… Do you not want me to?” he asked gently.

That was the wrong thing to say. Tommy had never seen Aiden upset, but at Tommy’s words the other boy’s face twisted up in disgust. He stood up abruptly. 

“Nevermind, it’s fine. It’s nothing. I’ll see you later,” he said, looking at the wall above Tommy’s head. “This party sucks anyway.”

Tommy stood up and went to grab Aiden’s wrist. “Wait, Aiden, don’t-”

But Aiden yanked his arm away and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Tommy sat back down on the floor and slumped against the bed, putting his head in his hands. He could run after Aiden but there was no point. He didn’t know what he would say.

He sat there for an hour, wondering what he would say the next time he saw Aiden. He left the party without saying goodbye to his friends, though they probably hadn’t even noticed his absence. He walked all the way home because his mind was going a thousand miles an hour and he wanted the cool air to wake him up. When he finally arrived at his house, unsure of the hour, but knowing it was late, he sat on the porch stairs and looked up at the night sky. 

He let one stray tear slip down his face. He wiped the rest away with his sleeve. 

In bed that night, under the safety of his blanket, he let his mind replay the kiss. He’d liked it, he realized. He’d liked kissing Aiden. It had been different from kissing a girl but it had still been good. 

Was that even a thing, wanting to kiss girls _and_ guys? 

Tommy didn’t have an answer to that, so he shoved the feeling down, burying it with everything else, and went to sleep, hoping the world would be different when he woke. 

__________

Tommy didn’t see his friends for the next few days. Dallas’s parents and sister had returned home and they’d invited family over to celebrate both of their graduations and Nick was away on vacation. They never spent time together unless it was with the whole friend group, and Tommy wasn’t sure if Aiden wanted to see him, and Jake made Tommy slightly uncomfortable, though he’d never tell anyone that.

After five days, Tommy was itching for an excuse to leave his house. He wasn’t used to being holed up in his bedroom and he felt like he was going crazy. On the morning of the sixth day after the party, Tommy took his skateboard and rode over to Dallas’s house, their normal meeting spot, much faster than a normal person would skateboard. Nick was supposed to be coming back from vacation today and the thought of seeing Aiden after that night, made him go faster. 

When he got to Dallas’s house, faster than what was humanly possible, everyone was already outside the house, crowded around each other. Jake sat on the curb, frowning at his feet while Dallas and Nick were quietly talking to Aiden, who had his arms crossed and was tapping his foot rapidly against the ground.

“Hey, guys!” Tommy yelled, skating over. He grinned at them as he got off his board and picked it up. His smile slipped off his face. His friends weren’t smiling back. “Is everything okay?” he asked. Was someone moving away? Was someone hurt? Were one of their family members hurt? 

A thousand questions swirled around in Tommy’s head and they all immediately stilled when Dallas spat out, “Aiden told us you’re gay.”

The words were like a punch to the gut and Tommy felt his blood run cold. Dallas was looking at him like he was the dirt under his shoe. He’d said the word gay like his parents said the word mutant. 

Tommy’s throat felt tight. “What?” he asked, his voice breaking. He looked over at Aiden but he was already looking away. “What are you talking about?” he yelled at Aiden, though his words were aimed at Dallas. “I like girls!” 

Why didn’t they believe him? He was telling the truth! He lied about a lot of things, like how his family life was fine or how he was content with being a mutant, like accidently blowing things up didn’t make his stomach bunch up in knots. Liking girls wasn’t, and had never been, a lie. What he didn’t, and would never admit, was that he wasn’t sure about the liking boys part. 

As if the whole universe was against Tommy, Dallas’s mailbox exploded, mail falling down around them like rain. If his friends had thought he was telling the truth before, they definitely didn’t now. 

Dallas glared at Tommy, glancing between him and the mailbox. “You’re such a _shit,_ Thomas,” he snapped, hatred clear in his eyes. “I don’t even know why we were friends with you for so long when you clearly can’t control yourself,” Dallas grimaced. 

What had Aiden told them? Was he talking about Tommy’s powers or something else? 

“Stay away from me. And my friends, too,” Dallas added.

Tommy understood it then. Aiden was scared. He was scared and he must have told their friends that Tommy had kissed him, not the other way around. He must’ve thought Tommy would tell everyone what happened and made sure he did it first. Tommy didn’t know if he was more upset that Aiden thought that lowly of him or that Aiden had done it in the first place. 

But Tommy of all people knew what it was like to have a terrifying secret, so he didn’t bother arguing. Aiden would fight tooth and nail to keep up the lie he’d told and Tommy couldn’t blame him. He simply gave Aiden one last look, filled with anger and pity and maybe a little bit of something else, before turning around and running away, faster than Aiden could take his next breath. 

Tommy took the skateboard Dallas had given him and smashed it over the old tree stump in his backyard, hitting it over and over again until it fell away in pieces in Tommy’s hands. He dropped to his knees and sobbed, his breathing wrecked and his cheeks wet as the tears continued to fall. Tommy couldn’t recall a time when he’d cried as hard as this. He was always good at keeping his emotions below the surface, but now it seemed they all wanted to bubble up at once and overflow him, drowning him in feelings he’d locked away for a reason.

When it seemed like he was done crying, he looked down at the broken skateboard on the floor and began to sob again. The skateboard was the one thing he’d treasured and he’d gone and ruined it like he ruined everything. 

A loud bang sounded and Tommy quickly stood up, wiping his eyes. He could see through the broken fence that his neighbor’s shed had exploded into pieces. 

Tommy closed his eyes. He wanted this all to be over. He wanted it to _stop._

When the neighbors came out to investigate, Tommy was already miles away. 

__________

That summer, Tommy started stealing.

It was a combination of boredom and anger that made him do it. He wasn’t sure if he was angry because he was constantly hungry or if he was angry because he no longer had anyone to call a friend. Either way, there was a red hot fire that licked his insides constantly.

After blowing up his neighbor’s shed, Tommy ran across the United States until he stopped at some small town on the west coast. He didn’t know what state he was in, but he didn’t really care. He just needed to get away from Springfield. 

He wandered around for hours, slowly growing hungrier and hungrier as the sun moved across the sky. He tried to ignore the feeling by going to a park and swinging on the swings, but that got boring fast. He could’ve easily ran back to his house and ate there, the only problem was that there was no food at his house. The last time Tommy had checked, there had been an old mayonnaise jar and moldy lettuce in the fridge and some stale crackers in the cupboard. 

He slid off the swing and continued walking, only stopping when he saw a 7/11 on the other side of the road. His stomach grumbled and before he even knew what he was doing, he was back outside at the park two streets over, seven bags of chips in his hands. At first, Tommy thought he was going to cry. He couldn’t believe what he’d done. He was just hungry and life wasn’t _fair._ He had shitty parents and his friends had left him and he had powers he didn’t want because _they made everything worse._

Then he looked down at the food in his hands and suddenly he no longer cared.

 _I could keep doing this,_ Tommy thought as he shoveled the chips into his mouth. _I don’t have to be hungry anymore._

After he ate, he slipped into a CVS and stole a bottle of brown hair dye, realizing that if he was ever caught, though unlikely, it would be a lot easier to find a kid with white hair than a kid with brown hair. He messily dyed it in a gas station bathroom, breathing through his mouth to avoid the stench. He followed the instructions and it came out better than he thought it would. He smiled to himself in the mirror, looking like a new person. He wiped his eyebrows with a gloved hand, almost forgetting to dye them, too.

His parents barely glanced at him when he returned home later that evening, too caught up in yelling at each other to notice. He grinned to himself when he flopped onto his bed, but the feeling slowly fell away when he realized there was nothing to do.

It was _summer_ and he had nothing to do. 

He no longer had friends, his father constantly hogged the TV, and he didn’t have any games or toys to play with. He enjoyed reading but it was difficult for him to sit still for a long period of time.

So stealing became Tommy’s definition of fun that summer.

Tommy thought about stealing things other than food, but he knew it wasn’t necessary to survive. Food was something he needed, and even though he wanted to have all the things kids his age had, he knew that was the wrong way to go about it.

That didn’t stop him from making a game out of stealing food. He’d try and see what he could get away with, and when an employee would finally notice, he’d zoom out of the store, halfway to his house before they’d realized what had happened.

During a sweltering day in late August, Tommy swiped a cereal box off the shelf of a grocery store in New York and picked up some ingredients for a sandwich. He started high school the following day, and for once he had the option of going to school with a real lunch. He grabbed a few granola bars and shoved them into his pockets as an employee came around the corner and spotted him. 

“Hey!” the man yelled. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Tommy pulled down the skin below his eye with his middle finger and stuck his tongue out at the employee. 

The man’s face turned red and he ran toward Tommy. “You damn-”

Before the man could finish speaking, Tommy bolted around the corner and out the store. Back in his room, Tommy tossed the stolen snacks on his bed. He sat down and happily ate one of the granola bars. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back on his pillow. His natural white hair was slowly showing at the roots, but most of his hair was still brown. 

No one would come looking for a brown haired kid from New Jersey, they’d be looking for a brown haired kid from New York, and there were plenty of them there. Tommy had been looked down on his whole life and he knew when people saw him they didn’t see a bright, young kid, but Tommy knew he was smart, even if others didn’t. He made sure no one would be able to recognize him and he never stole from anywhere in New Jersey, especially not anywhere near his own town. 

Every time he left Springfield, he never wanted to go back, but his parents would eventually notice, even if it took them awhile. No matter how desperately he wanted to be rid of his town, he couldn’t draw attention to himself. He’d been to New York, to California, to Texas, to Mexico and Canada. He was positive he could run over water, but he still wasn’t ready to leave the continent yet. That was too much. That made it too real. 

Maybe when he turned eighteen he’d run away to Europe and never look back.

Eighteen seemed so far away.

Tommy stood up and dusted the crumbs off his pants. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” his father asked when Tommy walked out of his bedroom. His father was sat on the couch, eating a pizza that he hadn’t bothered to ask Tommy if he wanted. 

Tommy was surprised his parents even remembered they had a son at this point.

“To hang out with my friends,” Tommy lied. 

His father huffed and turned back the TV. “Don’t get in trouble. I ain’t bailing you out of jail.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “I’m thirteen.”

“Juvie then,” his father shrugged. “And don’t talk back to me,” he added before shoving another slice into his mouth.

 _You might not even be my father,_ Tommy wanted to snap but held his tongue. He still wondered about that, if his parents really were his biological parents. After Dallas had joked about Tommy being Quicksilver’s son, it had stuck with him.

“I’m going over to Dallas’s house,” Tommy yelled over his shoulder. He knew his father didn’t care but he thought it was best if he had an excuse if he came back late. 

His father grumbled something and Tommy took off.

He ran west, the world bending around him as he ran. Tommy was good at pretending he wasn’t hurting. He’d been doing it since he could remember and in these moments, where the world was quiet and still around him, he let himself feel. He let his heart feel heavy and he let his eyes well with tears. Tommy never wanted to admit it, but he was scared. He felt like he’d always be stuck somewhere, hiding who he was.

Tommy stumbled to a stop, a sob ripping out of his throat. He slipped to the ground and let out tear after tear after tear. He cried because he was alone and lonely, and he cried because he was hungry, and he cried because no one seemed to care about him. He cried for what felt like hours, until his throat was sore and his eyes had nothing left to give. He dug his hands into the dirt below him and tilted his head back, blearily looking up at the darkening sky. 

The sky was alight with pinks and purples and blues. Faint stars winked down at him, like glistening teardrops. A bird cried from a place far away.

Tommy wiped his eyes and climbed up onto a boulder. He’d ended up in a desert and the temperature was steadily dropping. He brought his knees up to his chest. 

He wondered if he’d always feel this way. He wanted to know what it would be like to live without the deep gnawing in his chest, without the choking feeling in his throat always holding him back. He wanted to know what it felt like to feel sure and secure and _okay._

He wanted, just _once,_ to know what it felt like to be anyone but Tommy Shepherd. 

His first year of high school started in less than twelve hours and he felt more broken than he’d ever been before.

Tommy learned one thing that summer; no matter how far he ran, whether it be to the damp forests up north or to the shining shores to the west, he could never outrun the voice in his head. 


	3. Fourteen Years Old (Ninth Grade)

“Again, Thomas?” 

It was early October and Tommy sat in the principal’s office, wiping his bloody mouth with a tissue the principal had offered him. She was a short woman, with shoulder length brown hair and thick eyebrows that were always furrowed whenever Tommy was in her line of sight.

He really didn’t like her.

Tommy shrugged. “They were throwing stones at crows.”

She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “So you thought it best to hit them?”

He’d actually started hurling rocks at them to see how’d they’d like it and _then_ he’d hit them, but he knew not to tell her that.

“It doesn’t make sense that you’re angry at me and not them,” he said. 

The principal sighed. “They didn’t get off free. I’m going to be talking to them after we’re done here.” She uncrossed her arms. “School started a _month_ ago,” she explained. “You’ve already been in four fights, five including this incident. I hate to say this, I really do, but due to school policy, I’m going to have to expel you.”

Tommy stood up, faster than he should have. “What? That’s not fair!”

“What’s not fair,” she said, raising her voice slightly, “Is that you have attacked students at this school five times now. That is absolutely unacceptable.”

He sat back down and slumped in his seat. “Every time I’ve fought,” he said, not meeting her eyes, “I’ve had a good reason for it.”

Something sympathetic crossed the principal’s face and she nodded. “I know. Honestly, I do.” The anger she had for him seemed to slip away as she spoke. “I don’t think you’re a bad kid, Thomas. I think your heart’s in the right place, you just go about it the wrong way.” There was a moment of silence as she watched Tommy. She must have found what she was looking for because she held up a finger and said, “One chance. I am giving you one more chance. If you so much as get in a verbal fight, I will have you expelled, understood?”

“Yes, of course.” Tommy sat up and nodded eagerly. “I promise,” he said. 

“Make sure you keep it,” she said sternly, but a small smile played on her lips. “Now, get back to class.”

He jumped up and thanked her, grabbing his backpack on the way out. The two boys that had been throwing rocks looked up at him from their seats in the hallway. They shared matching cuts and bruises and Tommy knew he could’ve hurt them more, but he didn’t want to use his powers against two idiots his own age. Hopefully, they’d get what was coming for them eventually.

“Jackson? Shaun? Come in,” the principal called from her desk.

They stood up and pushed past Tommy, the taller boy shooting him a glare as he passed.

Tommy winked and the boy turned red, ducking his head as he walked into the office, closing the door behind him.

The next two weeks went by without any incidents. Tommy kept his head down and ignored his peers, even in moments when someone needed help. He’d jumped in one too many times and he saw where it had landed him. He _wanted_ to help, but he couldn’t. He needed to lay low.

He could do it. Everything was fine. 

Until Tommy ran into Dallas and everything crumbled to dust in his hands. 

__________

The teacher reminded the class about their test while Tommy shoved his notes into his backpack. It was Friday and he let his mind wander, making a mental list of the food he’d need for next week. He’d go to a crowded grocery store this time. That way he could blend in easier now that his hair was back to its natural color. 

He was so deep in thought he barely noticed when a familiar figure stopped in front of him.

He attempted to go around, but when the person moved with him, Tommy looked up and said, “Excuse-” He trailed off and his hands clenched into fists.

Dallas was standing in front of him, a sly smirk on his lips. Aiden, Jake and Nick were all standing behind him, watching their interaction unfold. Tommy felt his anger flare when he caught Aiden’s eye. 

The other boy looked away.

“Well, hey, Thomas,” Dallas drawled. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

It had been awhile. The last time Tommy had seen them was five months ago, back in June, and he’d genuinely forgotten that they would be attending the same high school. They looked different, too. Dallas, Jake and Nick all looked older and meaner while Aiden somehow just looked kinder and taller. 

Tommy didn’t answer Dallas. He couldn’t risk expulsion. His parents hated him enough as it was and he didn’t want to imagine how they’d react to him getting expelled.

Dallas cocked his head. “Aren’t you gonna answer me?” he pouted.

When Tommy still didn’t respond, Dallas snatched Tommy’s arm and twisted it. Tommy cried out and tried to pull away, but Dallas’s grip was too strong.

“Why didn’t you dodge it?” Dallas asked, voice low.

A crowd had formed around them. Teens were whispering to their friends, waiting for the punching to start.

Tommy glanced at Aiden and found the boy watching him with wide eyes. 

_Help me,_ Tommy thought. _Make up for what you put me through._

Dallas twisted Tommy’s arm harder, causing him to drop to his knees. “I know you saw it coming so why didn’t you use your powers to get away?” Dallas snapped, his voice still low so only Tommy could hear him.

 _You know why,_ Tommy wanted to scream. _You fucking know why I need to hide who I am._ He looked up at Dallas, trying to convey all that he couldn’t say. 

It made Tommy shudder that he’d once called Dallas a friend. He’d laughed with him, he’d played games with him, he’d even comforted Dallas when his grandmother had passed away.

How did one small lie ruin it all?

Dallas leaned back, slightly loosening his grip on Tommy’s arm. The crowd around them had grown bigger and a grin appeared on Dallas’s face. This was all a show to him, and he wanted to be the star.

He looked down at Tommy and tilted his head. “Do you not want me to tell them your secret?” he said loudly. His voice echoed down the hall as the crowd grew silent. 

This was no ordinary fight, they all seemed to realize at once. 

Aiden pushed past Jake and placed a hand on Dallas’s shoulder. “Come on, Dallas, don’t-”

Dallas shrugged his hand off and turned his back to Aiden. The other boy ducked his head and fell silent.

“What was the secret?” Dallas asked himself, pretending like he was trying to remember. His hand tightened around Tommy’s wrist.

Tommy could run, but everyone would see. He could fight, but then he would be expelled.

He was the one with powers and yet he was powerless.

“Wait! There were _two_ secrets weren’t there? Which one do you not want me to tell? ” The crowd seemed to hold its breath as Dallas spoke. His smile turned downright vicious as he looked at the sea of teens. “Do you not want me to tell everyone you like guys?” he said, his expression going hard as the crowd surged with this information. 

Tommy’s ears rang as he felt heads turn to look at him.

“Or maybe!” Dallas yelled and Tommy knew what he was going to say. The group of teens surrounding them all looked at Dallas like he was telling them the secret of life. 

Knowing someone’s secret in high school was worth more than gold. 

Tommy knew what he had to do.

Dallas looked down at him, ready to unleash the final blow. “Maybe you don’t want me to tell everyone you’re a dirty, little _muta-”_

Tommy lunged before Dallas could finish his sentence, his fist connecting with Dallas’s jaw. Dallas was a stupid, rich kid and Tommy knew he’d never fought anyone in his life. That didn’t stop Tommy from punching him a second time and third and a fourth until he could no longer count how many punches he’d thrown.

He was so angry at Dallas that everything around him seemed to blur. It felt like he was punching him faster than should be possible. Maybe he was. 

Dallas got one solid hit in before a teacher was yanking Tommy back. 

Before the teacher dragged Tommy down the hall, he said something to Dallas, quietly so only he could hear it. “You really shouldn’t pick a fight with a mutant,” he said under his breath, grinning with blood stained teeth.

Dallas glanced up at Tommy like he was seeing him for the first time. He was staring at Tommy like he was the devil himself. 

Looking at Dallas with his bloody face and bent nose, Tommy didn’t feel that far off.

__________

“Are you not going to hear my side?” Tommy snapped, ignoring the blood dripping down his chin. “Or is it that you believe Dallas over me because I’m trailer trash and he lives in a million dollar house? He must be in the right then, mustn’t he?”

“Do not raise your voice at me, Thomas,” the principal said, voice eerily calm.

Tommy rolled his eyes and wiped his nose with his sleeve. “Do you even care that he attacked me first? That he...” _That he outed me,_ Tommy wanted to say. _That he took the feelings from my own heart and put them into words I still don’t understand yet._ He’d taken that away from Tommy and it hurt more than any punch Dallas could throw. “That he harassed me?” Tommy settled on.

The principal sighed. “Of course I care, but that doesn’t mean you should have retaliated.”

“So are you gonna expel me for standing up for myself?”

The principal sighed again. Sighing seemed to be the only thing she was good at.

“I gave you plenty of warnings. I said that if you got in one more fight, you would be expelled. I’m sorry, Thomas, but I’ve given you enough chances. This was your last.” 

It did seem to pain her to tell Tommy this, but that didn’t stop Tommy’s heart from dropping to his feet. The thing was, the thing _was,_ he really _had_ been trying to stay out of trouble, but Dallas’s smug face as he spoke Tommy’s deepest secrets made him angrier than he’d ever been before. He couldn’t just stand there and watch while Dallas spilled his secrets to the whole school. Not when those secrets could cost him everything. 

“And Dallas?” Tommy said, anger clear in his voice. “What’s his punishment?” 

“I’ll have a word with him.”

 _A word with him._ Tommy wanted to scoff. That meant she’d give Dallas a slap on the wrist and send him on his way.

“Look, Thomas-”

“It’s Tommy,” he interrupted. If she was going to expel him she could at least get his name right.

Her expression softened. She nodded. “Look, Tommy, you are a good kid, I know that. But my job also involves all the other kids at this school and I need to make sure they’re safe, too. Six fights on your record shows that you’re a threat to the other students here. I have no choice. I have to expel you.”

Tommy felt lightheaded and his ears started ringing. It felt like the world had dropped out from under him. The principal kept talking but it was like she was far away, her words fuzzy.

“-so I need you to call your parents to come pick you up,” Tommy heard her say, fighting to concentrate on her words. “I want to make sure you get home safe. I’ll let you clear out your locker tomorrow morning, alright?”

Tommy nodded, numb. He didn’t want to call his parents. He would’ve done anything in that moment if it meant he’d never have to tell his parents what had happened. He knew his mother would be livid if he called her and told her he was expelled, but he couldn’t even fathom how angry his father would be.

The next hour moved so fast that Tommy wondered if there was something wrong with his powers. 

His mother came to pick him up, livid that Tommy had gotten expelled, just as he’d thought. They both signed some papers, she talked with the principal, and then Tommy was in the passenger’s seat of his mother’s old car, watching the trees and buildings fly past. She was yelling at him, harsh words and phrases easily falling from her mouth, but he wasn’t paying attention. He wasn’t sad or angry, just empty. He wished he’d had powers that told him what would happen next.

When they arrived back at the house, he dragged his feet into his room, rubbing the back of his head where his mother had hit him. Without taking off his shoes, he collapsed onto his bed.

He slipped into a deep sleep.

__________

On Saturday morning, Tommy felt like he was watching everything from outside his body. The previous day didn’t feel real and everything seemed to be moving too fast. Nothing had ever seemed fast for Tommy but this did. This, everything that was happening, was too much.

Tommy wanted to curl into a ball and sleep for a very, very long time. 

He didn’t even listen to his parents yelling in the car, unsure if they were screaming at him or each other. 

When they arrived at the school, he wordlessly left the car, barely flinching when the car doors slammed shut behind his parents. They waited in the parking lot, continuing to raise their voices as Tommy left them to go into the school office. The principal was waiting inside and she motioned for Tommy to follow her when she spotted him. They walked silently through the empty school hallways and Tommy took it all in. He didn’t realize that he would miss it until he was being forced to leave.

When they stopped at his locker, the principal set a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “I really don’t believe you’re a bad kid, Tommy,” she said sadly. “I think you’re just… I think you’re just a little bit unlucky.”

If being unlucky meant having shitty parents and friends who betrayed you then yes, Tommy had the worst luck in the world.

She sighed quietly when Tommy didn’t say anything. “I’ll be talking with your parents outside. Take your time,” she added. 

He waited until she was out of sight to open his locker. He did it numbly, blindly putting in his locker combination and pulling his things out. He grabbed books and papers from his locker, shoving them into his backpack. As he pulled the last book out, something fell out of the locker and rolled onto the floor, stopping by his foot. He bent down to pick it up and almost dropped it when he realized what it was. 

It was the wheel of the toy car he’d destroyed when he was twelve. He’d never even had the chance to tell Dallas that he was the one who’d taken it. 

The sight of the wheel knocked something loose inside of Tommy. He sunk to the ground, the wheel slipping from his grasp. He heard it roll down the hall, the sound fading until Tommy could no longer hear it. He wanted to cry, but for some reason he couldn’t. He felt hollow, like a spoon had scooped out his insides and dumped them on the ground by his feet. A mess of guts and heartache. 

He brought his knees up against his chest and buried his head in his arms, trying to block out the world around him.

_Why, why, why, why, why?_

_Why did everything always fall apart?_

He wanted it to _stop._ He just wanted to be normal. He wanted friends, he wanted actual parents, he wanted something to call _home._

But, as he sat curled in on himself on the floor of the school he’d been expelled from, he realized he’d never have that.

With that thought, as a tear slipped down his cheek, Tommy closed his eyes and let himself feel every emotion he’d kept buried inside. He let it consume him. 

There was silence at first. Like a calm before a storm. And then came a low humming noise that grew and grew until a bright light lit up behind Tommy’s eyelids and he instinctively threw up his hands.

When the light faded, Tommy lifted his head, dropping his arms to his side. Though his fingers met dirt when he placed them on the floor, the first thing he took notice of was the bright blue sky overhead. He blinked up at it, confused as to why he was suddenly outside. He looked around, frown deepening. He heard raised voices from far away and noticed his parents’ car in the parking lot and then, as these two things clicked together in Tommy’s mind, he realized he was no longer in the school.

There no longer _was_ a school.

If he hadn’t known there used to be a school where he was standing, he never would have thought there was one. All of it had crumbled to a fine dust around Tommy’s feet.

He heard someone running and looked up at them, their body blocking the sun, turning them into a silhouette. Tommy blinked up at them, confused.

“What happened?” he asked the figure in a quiet voice, not wanting to know the answer. 

The figure kneeled and Tommy saw who it was. It was his principal and she had tear stains trekking down her face.

“A- Are you okay?” she choked out. “We thought… God, we thought you’d been _killed.”_

Tommy noticed then that his parents were standing behind her. Their eyes were wide as they watched him, like they were seeing Tommy for the first time.

“What happened?” he asked again, dazed and slowly growing hot under the sun.

The principal shook her head. “I don’t know. The school just… It just sort of vanished. One second it was there and then the next there was just dust. But…” she hesitated, finally meeting Tommy’s eyes. “But, oddly enough, no one was hurt.”

He watched her, trying to weigh the consequences of what he was about to do. He knew she was aware he’d done this, but he didn’t think his parents had pieced it together yet. He had nothing else to lose. 

“You want to know if I did it,” he said, loud enough that his parents could hear him. He met his parents’ eyes. “I did,” he admitted, shrugging. “And I doubt you’ll believe me when I say this, but it was an accident,” he said, glancing at his principal. 

Though she tensed up, her facial expression softened and she reached over and squeezed his knee. She didn’t know how comforting that was for Tommy.

Suddenly, he was yanked to his feet, his father’s fingers digging into his arm.

“What did you _do?”_ he screamed at Tommy, shaking him. 

The principal stood up, her face hardening. “Let your son _go,_ Mr. Shepherd,” she said, voice harsh.

He turned to Tommy’s mother and threw Tommy onto the floor at her feet. He could’ve dodged his father grabbing him and he could’ve held his ground from being thrown, but he was tired and confused so he went along with it all, not wanting to draw more attention to himself, not after what he’d just done. The principal moved forward, kneeling beside Tommy again and asking if he was alright, helping him to his feet.

“How do I even know he’s mine?” he snarled at Tommy’s mother, ignoring Tommy and the principal. “I never asked, never really cared, assumed it was some weird genetic thing, but maybe now is as good a time as any. Where did the fuck did his white hair _come from,_ Mary? It sure as fuck didn’t come from _me.”_

Tommy’s mother balled her hands into fists and shot her ex husband a nasty look. “There’s something seriously wrong with him so clearly he _is_ yours, _Frank,”_ she snapped back. “All of this is all your fault! I never would never have raised a child to grow up to become… to become _this,”_ she said, gesturing to where the school had once stood. 

The principal was trying to pull him away, but Tommy shook her off and stepped between his parents. “You didn’t raise me at all!” he growled, suddenly feeling anger sear through his body. He marched closer, his hands moving so fast they looked invisible. 

He _really_ wanted to hit someone. 

His parents looked shocked to see Tommy raise his voice at them. He’d never stood up for himself before and he realized it felt _good._ It felt really fucking good.

“You,” he repeated, pointing between his parents, “Did _not_ raise me. I had to raise myself. Did you even care how I was doing in school? You never bothered to show up to my eighth grade graduation so I take that as a no.” His parents’ faces were growing angrier with every word out of his mouth, but Tommy couldn’t stop. “Did you even notice when I came home late, if I even came home at all? Did you ever wonder what I ate when there was no food in the house? Did it ever even cross your mind that I was going hungry some nights, or were you so caught up in yourselves that you forgot you had a son in the first place?” 

The tires on his parents’ car popped simultaneously and the car lowered a few inches from the air loss, but they didn’t notice, too focused on what Tommy had said. 

His father’s face was bright red and he’d clearly heard enough. “You little shit!” he screamed and lunged forward, but Tommy was quicker. 

He easily stepped aside, his father grabbing the empty air where Tommy once stood. His father turned to him, confused and red now with both anger and embarrassment.

Tommy cocked his head. “I wouldn’t try that with a mutant,” he said, unafraid if they found out what he was now. He was surprised it had taken them so long to figure out. 

His mother gasped and his father stumbled back. The principal watched him with what looked like pity, her hand over her mouth.

“You are not our son,” his father growled, suddenly feeling the need to group himself in with Tommy’s mother. 

“Call me grateful then,” Tommy bit out. 

Sirens wailed in the distance and Tommy shakily followed the principal away from his parents, disgust on her face from the words they were hurling at Tommy. As the police cars pulled into the school’s parking lot, the situation hit him straight in the chest. How had it all gone wrong so quickly? 

_What did I do?_

He wanted to run, but he couldn’t move. He merely slouched down on the curb and put his head in his hands, barely listening to the principal tell the officers what she saw.

_What did I do?_

He could feel eyes on him. A group of bystanders had come to see what had happened and he could feel them putting all the pieces together as he sat there.

_What did I do? What did I do? What did I-_

Tommy snapped his head up when he heard a commotion and found that a lamppost had toppled over a few feet away. He didn’t even need to look up, he already knew everyone was watching him, well aware he’d done it. 

_I didn’t mean to!_ he wanted to yell, but who would believe him?

A hand clamped down on Tommy’s shoulder. “You’re under arrest,” the cop said from above Tommy and he stilled.

All at once, he was twelve years old, walking into the living room of a house he would never step foot in again. His parents were watching the TV and he looked at it, wondering what was wrong. He felt his heart sink when he watched as a teenager, handcuffed, was shoved into the back of a cop car.

Except this time it wasn’t the girl with fire powers. This time it was Tommy. 

He never imagined himself in the same position as that girl, but as he was handcuffed and pushed into the car, his parents and the principal watching as the car drove away, he realized there was nothing that distinguished him from that girl.

They both had the same fate, it seemed.

As their faces faded from view, Tommy thought that one good thing out of all this was that he’d never have to sleep on his shitty mattress ever again.

__________

The next few days passed by in a haze. It was like Tommy’s body was burned out from what he’d done and now he was lagging behind everyone else, a feeling that was foreign to him.

He’d been taken to the Springfield Police Station, where he stayed in a special cell that stopped him from using his powers, though they had nothing to worry about; Tommy barely moved much during his time there. He mostly sat on the bare bed and stared at the wall, wondering how he’d fucked up so badly, wondering what the catalyst had been and how he was going to move on from it. If he could move on from it.

After three days of sitting in the cell and eating microwavable meals the New Jersey police officers kept in their office, he’d been able to talk to a lawyer. 

He hadn’t wanted to speak to her because he still wasn’t comfortable admitting he was a mutant, but she was his best shot at getting out of this mess without making a bigger one in the process. She’d told him to be honest with the court, which Tommy wasn’t expecting. She explained that it wasn’t uncommon for teenagers to get in trouble because of their newly developed powers. She’d claimed that she’d helped a lot of kids like Tommy and before she’d left the room after they’d talked, she placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a warm smile, a comforting gesture.

So when the day came and he was sat in the court, handcuffed and dressed in a cheap suit the lawyer had given to him the day before, he was actually hopeful. 

Until his parents walked into the courtroom and Tommy realized this was going to be harder than he originally thought.

Those four days in the courtroom wore Tommy down until everything blurred together. The lawyer was amazing, though Tommy didn’t have much experience, but it seemed like she was doing a good job. 

The thing that was bothering him was that everyone in the room were adults. It’d been years since they’d been his age and he knew they’d forgotten how scary it was to discover yourself. And because no one in the room was a mutant, how could they know what it felt like to be in his shoes? How could they know what it felt like to realize you’re not like everyone else and because of that you’re seen as a threat for something you didn’t even want in the first place?

He didn’t want to plead his innocence. He was _fourteen._ He wanted to play videogames and hang out with friends and skip school like every other kid his age. 

But then again, fourteen year olds didn’t go to court for destroying their school.

He ignored when his parents went to the stand and claimed Tommy had always been dangerous, even as a little boy, and he ignored the jury when their eyes started to harden whenever they looked at him, and he ignored when the lawyer quietly let out a sigh, because, if he had been paying attention to it all, the last shred of hope in his chest would have shattered and he needed that little piece more than anything. 

The principal showed up at one point to try and sway the jury that what Tommy had done truly was an accident, but her statement was disregarded due to Tommy’s history of starting fights in school. 

In their eyes, Tommy was a troublemaker through and through and there wasn’t much to disprove it. 

He gave her a small smile as she walked back to her seat. It was the least he could do.

On the last day of the trial, when he couldn’t stop tapping his foot in agitation and it seemed like the jury were ready to present Tommy with his fate, someone new was called to the stand and Tommy’s head snapped up so fast he was positive he’d done it at lightning speed.

Aiden sat at the stand, fiddling with his hands. He was looking down at his lap. 

The last time Tommy had seen Aiden was when Dallas had cornered him in the hallway, and the last time he’d seen Aiden before _that_ was when he’d lied and caused Tommy to lose all his friends.

His heart kicked in his chest.

He barely heard the first words that Aiden said to the judge, too confused as to why he was there in the first place.

“So you said you used to be Mr. Shepherd’s friend?” the judge asked, one eyebrow raised. “As in, past tense?”

Aiden nodded, still staring down at his lap. 

“Are you speaking for or against him then?”

Tommy held his breath.

“For,” Aiden said.

Tommy sighed and relaxed against the chair, waiting to see what Aiden had to say. 

“I know…” Aiden took a deep breath, clearly hating that he was in the spotlight. “I know that it seems like Tommy’s some bad kid who gets in fights and was angry about being expelled so he blew up the school.” 

Aiden tensed and Tommy’s lawyer let a small groan slip through her lips. 

He probably shouldn’t have said all that.

“B-but Tommy isn’t like that,” he continued. “Not at all.”

“How do you explain all those fights then?” the judge asked. 

A few of the people in the jury stand mumbled to each other and Tommy ducked his head.

“Tommy’s not a bad person. If he started a fight I know it was for the right reason. He’s always trying to help someone, even if he doesn’t realize it.” 

“But you don’t know the real reason he started those fights, do you?”

Aiden hesitated then shook his head. “I stopped being friends with him before high school. We haven’t actually talked since then.” 

“Then you don’t really know Mr. Shepherd do you, if it’s been a few months? A lot can change during that time,” the judge said. 

The judge sounded so condescending, Tommy had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. 

“Well…” Aiden stumbled. “I mean, I know that, yes, but… I hurt Tommy,” he admitted, and the courtroom seemed to grow quieter, even though it was silent to begin with. “I did something really, really hurtful because I was scared and Tommy figured it out and took the blame for me. He could have told the truth about what really happened, but he didn’t.” Finally, Aiden looked up, meeting Tommy’s gaze. He was too far away to read what the look in Aiden’s eyes was, but he thought it might have been an apology. “I wish I’d said something but I didn’t, and if I had the chance to go back and fix what I did, I would. But I can’t. I hope he knows he’s the best friend I’ve ever had. And it’s my fault he doesn’t think the same of me. The least I could do was try and help him now.”

The room was silent as Aiden’s words settled around everyone like a blanket. 

The judge cleared his throat, sweeping his eyes away from Aiden and back to the jury stand. “Alright. That’s quite enough. Thank you.”

Aiden’s face fell and he met Tommy’s eyes again. Tommy gave him a small smile and, much to his relief, Aiden smiled back, his shoulders relaxing slightly. He hoped Aiden knew just how much it meant to him that he’d come and said what he did.

When the court deemed him guilty, it was strange to say Tommy wasn’t upset. He knew, in some respect, that he wouldn’t be getting out of it this time. He’d had too many close calls and it seemed that fate was catching up to him.

It was time he learned that he couldn’t outrun everything.

“Oh, Thomas, I’m so sorry,” the lawyer whispered to him as the room began to come alive again.

The guilt on her face made his stomach squirm. He shrugged. She tried her best. It was Tommy’s fault for being so messed up.

He hadn’t seen his parents since they’d taken the stand and he spotted them across the room, talking to some other adults. As if sensing his eyes on them, they glanced over at him and Tommy gave them one long, last look and hoped they could see all the hatred he held for them in his gaze. 

They looked away and left the courtroom.

An officer came over to Tommy motioned for him to stand up. Tommy complied and asked, “Can I speak to my friend before you take me away?”

The officer gave him a pained look and then glanced over at Aiden who was waiting off to the side, hands clasped in front of him. 

She sighed and nodded. “Alright. Two minutes.” She led him over to Aiden and waited by Tommy’s side.

“Um, can I speak to him in private?” Tommy asked, rubbing his hands together to get the blood flowing where the handcuffs were.

The officer shook her head. “Sorry, no.”

He turned his back to her and faced Aiden, who looked uncomfortable. Tommy gave him a small shrug. 

“I’m sorry, Tommy. For everything. I should’ve said something before,” Aiden rushed out. “But- But I was…”

“Scared,” Tommy finished for him. “It’s okay. I know what that’s like.”

Aiden gave him a grateful smile. “I can still like shit for it though,” he said and Tommy laughed. Aiden chuckled along with him and then turned serious. “Are you… Are you gonna be okay?”

“I feel like I should be asking you that.”

Aiden shrugged. “I think so. I don’t really want to be friends with Dallas anymore. I don’t think Nick does either.”

Tommy nodded. “That’s good. Dallas was always a dick.” He hesitated and then added, “Hey, about what happened at, you know, the party.”

Aiden swallowed and looked away. “Yeah, look I’m- I’m really sorry about that.”

Tommy went to rub the back of his neck and then remembered his wrists were cuffed. He cleared his throat. “It wasn’t, like, _terrible.”_

Aiden’s head snapped up and a smile grew on his face. “Yeah?”

Tommy grinned. “Yeah. Just, I don’t know, maybe make sure the person is _expecting_ it next time.”

Aiden laughed again. “Right, yeah. I’ll- I’ll remember that.”

The officer coughed beside him and Tommy blushed a little. He forgot she was there.

“Right, well, bye, I guess.”

Aiden moved forward and wrapped his arms around him. “Bye, Tommy.”

Tommy rested his head on Aiden’s shoulder, attempting to hug him back while his wrists were bound. He found that whatever he’d felt for Aiden in middle school no longer lingered. He was his friend and only his friend and that meant more than anything to Tommy. 

“You were a good friend. Shit just happens,” Tommy whispered into his ear.

Aiden pulled away and let out a laugh that echoed across the courtroom. The remaining people glanced over at him, but he ignored them, nodding in agreement. “Shit just happens.”

Somehow, Tommy was still smiling when the officer dragged him away. 

__________

He spent two more days in the police station before they finally moved him.

He was laying on the bed, reading a book one of the officers had given him. It was clear they’d never had a mutant in their cells before, much less a teenage one. The police department in Springfield only had one cell for mutants and it seemed like it’d never been used. 

The door to the cell opened and Tommy looked over to find a person dressed in all black holding a gun up. 

He scrambled back against the wall, dropping the book. 

“Put your hands up!” the man yelled. “Don’t try anything.”

Tommy put his hands up and nodded. If the man decided to shoot there was no way to dodge it with the cell blocking the use of his powers.

Tommy’s heart rattled in his chest. “What’s going-”

“Quiet,” the man barked and Tommy tensed.

The man lowered his gun and quickly moved forward, placing handcuffs on his wrists. They were different from the ones he’d worn before. They were larger and didn’t give him much room to move his hands. 

“Let’s go,” the man grumbled and dragged Tommy out of the room and down the hall. 

“Mind telling me where we’re going?” Tommy asked, ignoring just how truly terrified he was.

The man yanked his arm. “I said, _quiet,”_ he demanded.

Tommy clamped his mouth shut. His heart was beating fast and his palms were sweaty. He was dragged through the police station, and the eyes of the officers looked pitiful as he moved past them. The man, who Tommy assumed was some sort of guard, pulled him through what looked like a backdoor. Tommy’s heart rate spiked when he looked up. 

There was a black, windowless van waiting in the alley, it’s back doors open. Tommy struggled against the man’s hold. He kicked his legs hard, but the man merely lifted him up and shoved him into the waiting van. He landed on his stomach and the doors shut behind him as he scrambled to stand up. He heard a car door open and close, the van shaking slightly. Then he heard the engine turn on. 

Tommy started to scream and bang on the doors of the van, but his cries went unheard. He yelled until his voice was hoarse and his hands hurt from how many times he’d beat them against the van. 

He slipped down onto the van’s floor and curled up in a ball, listening to the sound of the road underneath the van’s tires. He didn’t know where they were taking him, but he knew it was somewhere in New Jersey. He’d heard rumors of some kind of detention center for people like him before, but he’d never believed they were true. It always sounded too cruel to be real. 

Tommy sighed and closed his eyes. It seemed that no matter how fast or how far he could run, he’d always be stuck in one place. He wondered if he’d ever get out of New Jersey, and not just to run away, but to actually have some place to run _to._ Some place he could call home.

That dream seemed further and further away each day.

When the van eventually stopped a few hours later, the back doors opened and the same man in black gear pulled Tommy out. It was dark outside, but Tommy’s eyes were already adjusted due to the dim light in the back of the van. As he was pulled through a gate, he looked up and felt a new wave of fear crawl up his spine. He’d been right. He was being taken into what looked like some kind of facility, with armed guards in towers and search lights shining on the perimeter of the chain link fence. 

If Tommy was ever getting out of this, he needed to go _now._

When the man, presumably one of the guards who had been tasked to bring Tommy in, took his next step, Tommy faltered, causing himself to stumble and the guard to let go. Before the guard could grab him again, Tommy bolted. 

As soon as he used his powers to run, he felt a sharp pain that started at his hands and traveled up his body. He’d barely taken three steps before he collapsed on the ground, writhing in pain.

The guard stood over him and said through his dark helmet, “Shouldn’t have done that, kid.”

That was the last thing Tommy heard before the pain overtook him and he blacked out.

__________

He woke up in a white room, sat in a chair like the ones he used to sit in at the dentist’s office, back when his parents had still bothered to take him. He was woozy and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the brightness of the room. He rolled his head to the side and jerked awake when he saw a line of metal tools situated on a table a few feet away from the chair. He struggled against the restraints that held his arms and legs in place. He looked around for some way to get out. Maybe he could blow a hole in the wall? Except, he still wasn’t sure how to focus his mind on what he wanted to blow up and then he would still be strapped to the chair.

 _Maybe I could break the straps,_ Tommy thought and looked down at his left arm where it was held down, focusing. He wasn’t sure if it would work, but he didn’t have any other options. He stared at the strap, willing it to break. He channeled all the fear and anger he had inside him until he felt something _shift_ as the strap began to vibrate. It moved quicker and quicker and just when it seemed like it would snap, the door to the room opened and Tommy startled, losing concentration. The strap fell back into place as the person who opened the door looked up from his clipboard.

“Ah,” the man said, closing the door with his foot. “You must be Thomas.”

 _It’s Tommy,_ he wanted to bite out, angry that he’d been interrupted, but stopped himself as the man drew closer. He shrank in the chair.

The man glanced down at the clipboard. “So, Thomas, what’s your ability?”

“Um, speed.” Tommy said it like a question.

“Speed? And that’s it?” the man asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I- I think.”

He hummed and moved closer, causing Tommy to shrink even more in his seat. “I heard about your school incident. That didn’t seem like something a speed power could cause.”

Tommy stayed silent, watching the man cautiously. 

“Well, we’ll unpack that later, won’t we?” the man, a doctor, Tommy assumed, since he wore a white coat, continued. He tucked the clipboard under his arm and gave Tommy a strange smile. “I saw your little fiasco outside the gate before. It was wonderful.”

Tommy frowned. “It was?”

The doctor’s smile grew, clearly pleased he’d gotten Tommy to talk. His smile made Tommy uneasy.

“Yes, it was. As a scientist, I love to watch things like that. Especially when I can study them later,” he laughed to himself.

The words he used made Tommy start to panic. “You’re not a doctor?”

The man shook his head. “I have a PHD in science and I go by doctor,” he explained to Tommy as if he were a little kid. “Dr. Carter to be exact. But no, I’m not the kind of doctor you’re thinking of.” He set his clipboard down on the tray, jostling the metal tools. 

“Well, Thomas, it’s quite late and I’m sure you’re tired, so I’m just going to give you an injection to make you sleepy and then we’ll transfer you to a room here, how does that sound?”

Tommy didn’t know what to say. How do you respond to someone saying they were going to _drug_ you?

He kept his mouth shut.

Dr. Carter sighed. “I understand this must be scary for you, truly, I do, but don’t worry. We’re only here to help you and all the others like you,” he said, giving Tommy a smile that was meant to be sweet but looked more like a predator spotting its prey.

Realizing Tommy wasn’t going to speak, Dr. Carter’s smile dropped and he turned around. When he turned back to Tommy, he was holding a syringe with a sharp needle that made Tommy’s head spin.

He flinched back when Dr. Carter placed his hand on Tommy’s arm. He put the tip of the needle against Tommy’s skin. Grinning like a shark, the scientist whispered, “Sweet dreams,” as Tommy’s eyes slid shut. 

__________

Tommy woke in what was clearly supposed to be a room, but resembled something closer to a jail cell. He blinked up at the bottom of a bed and wondered if the people working in this place had stored him under a bed. Then he realized he had slept in the bottom bed of a bed bunk. 

_Huh,_ he thought groggily and whipped his head around when the door to the room, the _cell,_ opened.

A woman in a white coat entered the cell and Tommy sat up, tense. She was tall and had her red hair up in a bun. She walked over to the bed and tossed folded up clothes onto Tommy’s lap.

“Um, good morning?” Tommy said, voice hoarse. He was still confused and a little freaked out about this place he was in, but he didn’t want to let it show. 

The woman gave him a blank stare. “Get dressed and knock on the door when you’re ready,” she said and abruptly left the room.

“Lovely meeting you,” Tommy grumbled. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, taking in the room around him. 

The walls were white and the bunk bed frame was cold metal, with matching white bed sheets that felt like cardboard against Tommy’s skin. The room was pristine, like it had never been lived in. 

It was creepy.

Tommy quickly got up and went into the adjoining bathroom. It was small, smaller than the single bathroom back in Springfield, which was saying a lot. It had a toilet, a sink, and the smallest shower Tommy had ever seen. Everything was white. 

He hurriedly changed into the clothes the woman had given him, which turned out to be _scrubs,_ which just solidified Tommy’s theory that he was in some sort of jail. Juvie, maybe, though Tommy didn’t understand why they couldn’t just tell him that. 

He walked to the main door and hesitated before he knocked.

The door immediately opened and a figure in black gear entered the room. Before Tommy could protest, his wrists were once again shackled and he was being shoved out the door. 

He was led down a series of barren hallways, walking behind the red haired woman. He was still groggy from whatever he’d been injected with the night before, and he stumbled a few times before they arrived at their destination.

The woman grabbed Tommy’s shoulder, waving the guard away, and guided Tommy into another room. This one, Tommy recognized.

It was the same room he’d woken up in last night. 

“Lie down in the chair,” the woman said, her back to Tommy as she placed a clipboard on the metal tray. It had the same tools as the night before.

Tommy backed up, raising his shackled hands. “Actually, I- I think I’d rather stand.”

The woman turned to him, face emotionless. “Look, kid, we can either do this the easy way or I can call that guard back in and do it the hard way. Your choice.”

“Doesn’t really feel like much of a choice,” Tommy said.

The woman just stared back.

Tommy awkwardly slid past her and lay down in the chair.

“Happy?” he asked as the woman moved forward to strap his arms and legs to the chair. After he was tied down, she took off the handcuffs. “You know, those were really uncomfortable,” he spoke up.

The woman barely glanced at him as she set them down on the tray and left the room, door clicking shut behind her.

“Rude,” Tommy mumbled to himself. 

Almost immediately, the door opened again. When Tommy saw who had opened it he wished they would walk back out.

“Good to see you again, Thomas,” Dr. Carter greeted him.

The fear Tommy had clamped down suddenly rose to the surface, burning inside his chest.

There was a moment of silence, but when the scientist realized Tommy wasn’t going to respond he continued speaking. “Alright, before I go on, I’d like to tell you about what we do here, as I’m sure you’re very confused and most likely a little scared,” the man chuckled to himself, though Tommy didn’t understand how that was funny. He paused for a moment to wheel out a small chair that had been shoved into the corner of the room. He rolled it over to Tommy’s side and sat down in it, as if they were old friends about to have a conversation. “This place is what some would call a ‘detention center,’ or, God forbid, _‘juvie,’_ but we don’t like to call it that here. See, everyone here works for the government. They, the government, fund us to run tests and experiments.” 

“Tests?” Tommy blurted.

A bulb popped above their heads and the scientist smiled. He looked up at the broken ceiling light and hummed. “I would assume that occured because you’re a little anxious right now. It seems, from what I can figure out from your records, that you are able to accelerate the molecules of the objects around you causing them to… Well, to explode, sometimes without meaning to,” Dr. Carter explained, looking away from the shattered light and back at Tommy. “Something similar must have happened with your school. Speed isn’t your only power, I believe,” he said, smiling. “Now, wasn’t that helpful? You’ll merely undergo a few procedures to help us understand mutant abilities a bit better. By testing each person in this facility and collecting data, we’re helping _all_ mutants, not just the ones here.”

Tommy felt himself nodding. That didn’t seem too bad. Maybe they really could find a way to help him understand and control his abilities. And he knew they had drugged him and kept him handcuffed, but he _had_ destroyed his school. It made sense they’d want to keep him under a watchful eye. He wasn’t a good person, but maybe this was a way to become better. 

“Good,” Dr. Carter said and picked up one of the tools on the tray. “Let’s begin.”

By the time Tommy’s throat was raw from screaming, he’d realized his mistake.

__________

This continued for two weeks before Tommy cracked. 

He was strapped into the chair again, anxiously waiting for the door to open. He’d been in the chair every day for the past fourteen days, being prodded and poked in the name of science. He’d gained more scars in three days than he’d ever acquired over the span of three years. 

He rapidly tapped his fingers against the arm rest. To calm himself, he tried to imagine himself far away, in the middle of nowhere, screaming at the top of his lungs and never ever having to see another person for the rest of his life.

He felt himself begin to shake, the anxiety in his gut growing the longer he waited for the door to open. He tried to still his body, but when that didn’t work he dropped his eyes from the door and looked down at himself. 

He flinched. 

He could see _through_ himself. It was like he was moving so fast that his eyes couldn’t track his body. This had happened only once before, when he’d yelled at his parents in the school parking lot, but his hands hadn’t become _invisible._ An idea sprung into his head and he made himself vibrate more and more, until eventually the straps were able to slip from his body. He sat up and rubbed his wrists and looked around. Another idea formed in his head and before he even wondered if it would work, he got up and _walked_ through the wall. 

Just like that, Tommy was outside the facility. He’d randomly guessed which wall led to the outside, but thankfully he’d guessed correctly. He looked around and then down at his hands in awe. A hysterical laugh bubbled out of him and he ran a hand through his hair, staring up at the building. His body ached and his eyes weren’t used to the sunlight, but he felt alive for the first time in weeks.

A guard came around the corner and threw up her gun when she spotted him. “What are you doing out here?” she yelled.

Tommy laughed loudly and threw up a middle finger at the guard. He felt amazing and he kept laughing along with the bubbly feeling inside his chest. He took off before she could react and he ran giddy through the gates, away from the detention center.

He ran without a destination, simply wishing to be as far away from that place as he could be. He laughed as he ran, his voice getting carried across miles and miles and miles. 

_Maybe I should tell someone about that place,_ he thought, realizing just how much he’d missed this feeling. But the scientist had told him the government knew, that they were funding the facility, but that didn’t necessarily mean what they were doing was right. The odd thought of telling the Avengers popped into his head. Would they even care? They saved the earth, not fucked up kids with dangerous powers.

He stopped running, and the world snapped back into focus. He found himself in a desert like the one he’d visited on the last day of summer. Wherever he was, it wasn’t in the United States, though. He knew because it was dark out while it had been morning back at the facility. The stars shone down on him, and he felt at peace among the distant lights. He’d finally made it out of North America, and even if it wasn’t the way he’d originally planned, he still smiled to himself. He sat down on the hard ground and hugged his knees to his chest. He tilted his head up and looked at the sky. He could feel the stars dancing in his wide eyes, and his mouth quirked up in a small smile. He felt _happy_ as he wiped away the tears that threatened to spill over onto his cheeks.

He didn’t know where he would go from here, but he’d never let himself get stuck in one place again. 

He was broken out of his trance when a pair of hands wrapped around his waist. He tried to concentrate and speed up his molecules to break out of the hold, but he was yanked back before he could focus hard enough for it to work. The hands pulled him into a bright pocket of light and he fell onto his back, the wind knocked out of him as the stars vanished from his sight.

The light, Tommy discovered, was coming from a room. A room he was currently in.

Too stunned and winded to react, someone snapped handcuffs onto his wrists. Tommy’s eyes adjusted to the light and he found a boy a year or two older than him looking down at him. He had dark, unruly hair and blue eyes that watched him coolly. He gave Tommy a wicked smile.

“Welcome back, Speedy Gonzales,” he said. 

Tommy’s anger easily washed over him, filling him up from the inside. “Go fuck yourself,” he spat out as he was hauled to his feet by one of the guards. 

The boy shrugged and put his hands into the pockets of his white scrubs. “They would’ve found you anyway, even without my help. They put trackers in all of us the first day we’re here.” The boy tapped his own arm, right where Dr. Carter had injected Tommy with the sleeping drug two weeks ago. “Plus,” he added, giving Tommy a two fingered salute as he backed away, “They promised me an hour of TV. Alone. That’s worth more than _gold_ here, buddy.” 

Tommy glared at the boy as the guard dragged him out of the room and down the hall. He spotted the red haired woman waiting outside a cell, her arms crossed. 

When he got closer, she took his arm and shooed the guard away, pulling him into the cell. She took off the handcuffs and walked back out the door. Tommy turned to her to ask what was going on, but she’d already slammed the door in his face. 

An audible click of the lock sounded throughout the room. 

“Lovely,” he grumbled and turned around to look at the room. It looked the same as the room he’d slept in for the past two weeks. It had the same steel bunk beds, same white walls, same door leading to the same small bathroom.

Tommy barely thought it over before he was running at the wall, ready to phase through it. Instead, however, he smacked right into the concrete and slumped to the ground.

“Ow, _fuck,”_ he groaned from where he sat on the floor, clutching his nose with his hands. “That _fucking_ hurt. _Fuck.”_

“You can’t use your powers in here,” a voice said and Tommy let out a strangled scream.

He turned around on the floor and found a boy his age kneeling in front of him. The boy had brown skin and dark eyes that Tommy couldn’t help but stare into. Unlike the boy who’d dragged Tommy back to the facility, this boy was watching him with gentle eyes, like Tommy was a scared animal. Tommy didn’t blame him for looking like that; he felt ready to bolt.

Realizing that he was staring, Tommy quickly averted his gaze. 

“Sorry,” the boy said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” He held out a hand for Tommy and he reluctantly took it. “I didn’t hear you come in ‘cause I was in the bathroom. You must be new here. I’m Lucas, your roommate,” he added.

Tommy dropped his hand. “Roommate?” 

The boy, Lucas, nodded and then dropped his gaze to Tommy’s nose. “Wait, hold on, your nose is bleeding.” He went to the adjoining bathroom and came back with a piece of toilet paper, offering it to Tommy.

“Thanks,” Tommy mumbled and held the tissue up to his nose. “I’m Tommy,” he said, his voice coming out funny because of the tissue. 

Lucas gave him a sweet smile in return. “Nice hair.”

“Thanks. Grew it myself.” Tommy walked past him and sat down on the bottom bunk bed, still clutching his bloody nose. “So, um, why can’t I get out of here? I’m not wearing those stupid handcuffs.”

The other boy’s smile dimmed a little. “Almost all of the rooms here have a power dampener attached to them.”

Tommy gave him a blank look. “I don’t know what a power dampener is.”

“It’s a device that stops someone from using their powers. They have them in the hallways too, but they only turn those ones on during the day.” Lucas leaned against the bed post and put his hands in his pockets. “As long as you’re in here, your powers won’t work. Like in the cafeteria.”

Frowning, Tommy asked, “The cafeteria?” 

Lucas looked down at him and Tommy noticed how long his eyelashes were. “Yeah, now that you have a roommate you’ll be able to go there for food.”

Tommy felt like he was two steps behind Lucas even though he could easily outrun him. “Why couldn’t I go there before?” he asked.

Lucas shrugged. “The workers here usually wait until they’ve evaluated you and tested your powers before they let you mingle with others. For safety reasons and all that.” He leaned forward as he spoke. “The cafeteria is the only place where we can all hang out together. The room, like this one, is designed so we can’t use our powers in it.”

“You know a lot about this place,” Tommy noted. “How long have you been here?”

Lucas’s eyes seemed to lose their gleam. He ducked his head and picked at a loose thread on his shirt. “A while,” he answered coolly. He seemed to come back to himself and gave Tommy a small smile. “So, what powers do you have?”

It was odd how quickly Lucas bounced back, but Tommy could understand. There were a lot of things about his life he didn’t want to talk about.

“Um, I have super speed,” Tommy said, perfectly fine with the subject change. “I can phase through stuff, and I can blow up things by speeding up the movement of their molecules.” At Lucas’s awed look, Tommy rushed out, “I mean, that’s what the scientist here told me. At first I thought I only had super speed.”

“Dude,” he breathed, laughing a little, “That’s amazing.”

Tommy shrugged. “I wouldn’t call it amazing, more like a nuisance. What about you?”

At that, Lucas’s demeanor changed ever so slightly that Tommy thought he’d imagined it. “I manipulate stuff.”

“What do you mean?”

Lucas waved him away. “It’s nothing. It’s not that cool.” He walked away from the bed and grabbed a pair of scrubs from a small, white drawer. “Anyway, it’s almost lunch time. I can show you the cafeteria if you want.” Lucas pulled his shirt over his head and Tommy’s eyes followed the movement of his back muscles.

When Lucas turned to him, Tommy quickly looked down, pretending like he’d been looking at his shoe the whole time. He willed his blush to go away. 

“Do we have to wait for someone to let us out?” he asked, already knowing the answer but feeling a need to fill the silence. 

Lucas changed into a clean pair of pants and Tommy looked up at the ceiling. “Yeah,” he answered from the other side of the room. “It’s usually Carrie who walks us down there.”

Tommy’s mouth quirked up in amusement. “Carrie?”

“The red haired woman,” he said, walking back over to Tommy. “She’s my least favorite worker here.”

Tommy looked at him and nodded. “I’ve had the pleasure of meeting her.”

Lucas laughed and the door to the room opened.

“Hold your hands out,” the red haired woman said when she entered.

Lucas pouted but held his hands out anyway. “Hey, you know I don’t try anything funny.”

“Oh, I trust you, Lucas,” Carrie said then nodded to Tommy. “It’s him I’m not sure about.”

Tommy silently held out his hands and she put them both in handcuffs. She led them out of the room and Lucas looked like he wanted to skip down the hallway in glee.

He caught Tommy’s eye and smiled. “Going to the cafeteria is the best part of the day. They have a TV there, too.”

Surprisingly, their room was located along the same hallway as the cafeteria. Within seconds, Carrie had led them into a big room packed with other teenagers. She took their handcuffs off and left, closing the door behind her. 

“This,” Lucas said, holding his hands out to the room, “is the cafeteria.” 

It was a large room, filled with tables and chairs where kids Tommy’s age sat and ate. There was another, smaller room attached to the main room and from what Tommy could see it contained a couch and a TV, though he was too far away to see the rest of it. 

Tommy probably shouldn’t have described it the way he did, but it was nice in the cafeteria. He could hang out with other people without worrying about destroying something or hurting someone. He could relax and pretend like he was normal. 

He thought that for two seconds until he noticed the guards stationed around the room, guns at their hips. He spotted a few robots floating around the room, also armed with weapons. 

He swallowed and ducked his head, following Lucas through the crowd. Lucas led him to the food station, where they grabbed their food, and then led him to an empty table.

As he sat down, he asked Lucas, “Is it always like this?”

Lucas nodded and took a bite of his food. He finished chewing before he answered. “Meals are the only time we get to interact with people who aren’t our roommates or part of the staff.”

Tommy absently chewed as his eyes wandered around the room. If he hadn’t known everyone here had powers, he never would have guessed. It just looked like a normal high school lunch, with kids laughing and making jokes with their friends.

If he looked carefully though, he could see the hurt behind their laughter, the fear and anger that united them all. Their pasts, Tommy knew, probably weren’t so different from his own. His eyes didn’t linger long on the people sitting alone.

“Who do you normally hang out with?” he asked around a mouth full of peas. The food wasn’t great, but he wasn’t one to complain about things like that. As long as he had food to eat that was good enough for him. 

Lucas knocked his food around with his fork. “I used to hang out with my last roommate, but they moved him out a few days ago.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Tommy didn’t want to know where or why they moved people out of this place.

Lucas shrugged. “It’s fine. He was okay to hang out with, but he was sort of rude.” He looked up and smiled at Tommy. “You seem nice though, I’m glad you’re my new roommate.” 

Tommy ducked his head. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

When they were done eating, Lucas showed him the recreation room. It contained a couch, a few comfortable chairs and beanbags, and a TV. It wasn’t much, but for Tommy it was like heaven. 

“Most of the time there’s nowhere to sit so most people just sit on the ground,” Lucas explained, gesturing to the few people scattered around on the floor, watching the TV. “Want to watch something?”

Tommy nodded and they sat down on the floor, watching whatever animated show was playing.

_Maybe,_ Tommy thought as he relaxed, his stomach full and his arm warm where Lucas leaned against it, _this isn’t all bad._

__________

For the next two months, Tommy’s routine consisted of hanging out in his and Lucas’s shared room, undergoing tests the scientists deemed essential and eating with Lucas in the cafeteria. Tommy still desperately wanted to get out, but the feeling wasn’t as intense as it had once been. Now that he knew he wasn’t the only one in this place, he felt a sense of unity that he hadn’t felt before. 

And then there was a girl that had caught his eye. He hadn’t noticed her the first few times he’d been in the cafeteria, but after he spotted her it was like he couldn’t stop finding her amongst the other teenagers in the cafeteria. It was hard to pull his eyes away from her.

“Tommy?” Lucas said one day as Tommy stared at the girl where she sat alone a few tables away.

“Hmm?” Tommy hummed. He looked at Lucas and found him smirking. He straightened up, feeling embarrassed he’d been caught. “What?”

He nodded his head in the girl’s direction. “Do you like her?”

Tommy looked back over at her. He wasn’t sure. He did like the idea of her. He liked the idea of liking someone and them liking him back. 

_I don’t know,_ he thought, _But I do know I’m lonely. I’ve been lonely my whole life and I’m scared I’ll be lonely for the rest of it._

_Also, I desperately want to get the image of you shirtless out of my head._

“I guess,” he said instead. “She’s hot.”

Lucas nodded. “Yeah, she’s pretty. Let’s invite her to eat with us.”

 _“What?”_ Tommy squawked. “No, no, no, _Lucas-”_

Too late, Lucas stood up and walked over to her. Tommy watched as he sat down and started talking to the girl, his hands moving animatedly as he spoke.

Tommy dragged a hand down his face and groaned inwardly, wishing a hole would swallow him up. He watched from the corner of his eye as Lucas smiled and stood up, the girl following behind him, her tray in her hands.

“This,” Lucas said when he sat down beside Tommy, “is Lisa.”

“Lisa Molinari,” she said across from them, her face emotionless. 

“I’m Tommy Shepherd,” he responded, praying she couldn’t see his blush.

“I like the hair,” she said, nodding at him. 

“Oh. Thanks.”

When she looked down at her food, Lucas gave him a thumbs up and Tommy shot him a glare. They ate breakfast in silence, Lucas nudging his foot every now and then, trying to get Tommy to say something to Lisa. 

Finally, she said, “See you boys later,” and stood up with her empty tray, startling Tommy and Lucas from their staring match.

“Oh, okay, bye,” Tommy said after he’d cleared his throat.

She threw him a wink over her shoulder and disappeared into the room. 

Lucas laughed and said, “This is going to be fun!”

Lisa continued to hang out with them every time they were in the cafeteria together. She wasn’t very friendly and it was hard to get her to react to their jokes, but slowly she seemed to open up to them. Tommy swore he saw her mouth quirk up once when he’d said something funny, but it was gone before he could be sure. 

“Hey,” she whispered to him one day while Lucas was throwing away his trash. “Is your room nearby?”

Tommy frowned. “Uh, yeah it’s down the hall. Why?”

“Cool,” she said nonchalantly. “Can we go there later?”

Tommy dropped his fork. “My room?” _What are we going to do? What are we going to do? What are-_ “How would we get there? We’d get caught.” 

Lisa waved her hand. “As long as we go while everyone is eating dinner no one will notice.”

“Really?” 

She nodded. “I’ll show you.”

Tommy grinned and picked up his cup. “Okay.”

Lucas came back to the table and clapped Tommy on the shoulder. “What are you guys talking about?” 

“Oh, you know, we were just discussing how the government is using the people with powers here to improve their military,” she said easily, barely batting an eyelash.

Tommy choked on his water. “What?” he sputtered.

Lisa and Lucas both looked at him, matching expressions on their faces. 

“You haven’t figured it out yet?” Lisa said.

“Wait, you’re _serious?”_ Tommy thought she had made that up to avoid telling Lucas what they’d been talking about, but the look on their faces told Tommy she was telling the truth. “I thought they were running tests on us to help other mutants,” he said. “You know, like figuring out how our powers work and stuff.”

Tommy had learned that there was an unspoken rule among the teenagers here that they never discussed what happened in the testing rooms or what it meant in the larger scheme of things. Now, though, it seemed like Lisa and Lucas were ready to talk about it. 

“Oh, Tommy, don’t tell me you fell for that spiel,” Lucas said gently. 

Lisa leaned forward, her eyebrows furrowed in anger. “They’re trying to make the people here into weapons, Tommy. They run tests and send the data back to the government. Then they figure out who they can use to their advantage. If someone seems promising as a soldier well…” Lisa shrugged and leaned back in her seat. “Usually we don’t see them again.”

Tommy looked at Lucas and let out an uncomfortable laugh. “That can’t be true.”

He looked guilty. “I was going to tell you, but it’s not a nice thing to tell.”

Tommy’s smile slipped off his face.

Lisa rolled her eyes at Lucas’s words. “Men and their emotions.”

Lucas’s demeanor returned and he stuck his tongue out at her. She flipped him off and he laughed.

Tommy’s gut felt like lead. Is that what they had been doing this whole time? Cutting into his body and mind to try and see if he’d fight for them? They were trying to turn him into a living weapon and all he could do was lay there and let them do it.

He pushed his tray away, his appetite gone. 

That night at dinner, Lisa caught Tommy’s arm as he entered the cafeteria. Lucas looked between them and quirked his eyebrow.

“Is this a thing now?” he asked.

Tommy looked at Lisa, but she was looking around the cafeteria. He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

Lucas gave him a thumbs up. “Remember to use protection,” he whispered, loud enough that Lisa heard, causing her to scoff. He waved goodbye and went to get food.

The guards and mandroids were monitoring the cafeteria as usual, but it was clear Lisa knew when it was safe to move. She waited until the coast was clear before she dragged Tommy over to the cafeteria door. She picked the lock with a piece of metal that she slid into her shirt and motioned for Tommy to follow her into the hallway.

“Where’s your room?” she whispered. 

“Eighth one on the right,” he whispered back.

She pulled him along, her hand tight on his wrist. His cell wasn’t far from the cafeteria, but the sound of footsteps had Lisa quickly dragging Tommy into a small supply closet, their bodies pressed together. 

“I feel like I should be making a sexual joke right now,” Tommy whispered.

“Well, don’t let me hold you back,” she said and then proceeded to shush him.

When the footsteps faded, she pulled Tommy back out and hurriedly ducked into his room.

“Security here sucks ass,” Tommy laughed when they entered his room, flopping down onto his back on the bed. 

Lisa walked over to the bed and sat down next to Tommy. “It’s easier to sneak into a cell than break out. I mean, what idiot sneaks back to their _cell_ rather than out the front door?”

He laughed. “Us, apparently.” 

Lisa rolled her eyes and lay down on her stomach, resting her chin on her arms. Tommy rolled his head to the side and caught her eye. He smiled.

“Lucas is awesome, but I kind of miss having a room to myself,” he admitted.

Lisa made a noise of acknowledgement and closed her eyes. She sighed deeply. “I miss painting.” 

That was the first time Tommy had heard real emotion in her voice.

“You’re a painter?”

She nodded, her cheek squishing up against her arm. “And I’m pretty fucking good.” Her eyes were still closed.

Tommy chuckled at that as his eyes roamed her face. She was even prettier close up. He wondered what had landed her in a place like this. Lucas and Lisa both knew what his powers were, but he still didn’t know what theirs were. “Is that your power? Painting?” he joked, attempting to coax the answer out of her.

Lisa cracked open one eye. “I don’t have powers, Tommy.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” He sat up on his elbows. “You don’t have any powers?”

She raised her head and shook it. 

“Then why are you in here?”

Lisa scoffed. “It’s still juvie, Tommy. I broke the law like everyone else in this Godforsaken place.”

“But I thought this facility was only for people _with_ powers who’d broken the law.”

She shook her head again. “They keep all troubled teenagers here. It’s mostly teens with powers though, I think I’m the only one on my floor that doesn’t have any powers. They sort of just throw the normal people wherever there’s room.” 

“Huh,” Tommy said and then sat up more and snapped his fingers. “Wait! That one guy, with the bright red hair, who always sits in the corner, powers or no powers?”

Lisa’s mouth quirked up ever so slightly. “Surprisingly, no powers, like me.”

Tommy whistled and leaned back on his elbows again. “Really? Out of everyone here I assumed he’d be the one to have powers.”

Lisa rolled her eyes and got up onto her knees. She put a hand on his shoulder and Tommy’s heart sped up. “Are you done, now? I didn’t come here to talk.” 

Tommy’s lips turned up into a smirk and put his hands on Lisa’s hips. “Maybe you should do something about that then.”

She gladly shut him up. 

__________

Tommy came to realize that Lisa wasn’t nice. But she was pretty, and she helped Tommy forget about all the worries that made his skin itch and his mind race. And she never once questioned him about his past. He didn’t know if it was because Lisa didn’t care or didn’t want to bother him, but he was thankful either way.

Every other night, she’d pull Tommy away from the cafeteria and they’d make out in his room until their time was up. It was simple and easy and fun and it was something they both looked forward to after a day full of cold metal and harsh lights. 

If he thought hard enough he could almost remember the taste of her lips-

“Tommy!” Lucas yelled, startling Tommy from his dream. Lucas was sitting on his knees on Tommy’s bed, bouncing up and down like a little kid. “I’ve said your name like twenty times.”

“Ugh, what?” Tommy grumbled, throwing an arm over his eyes, annoyed that his dream had been interrupted. “Don’t you know what beauty sleep is?” 

“But _Tommy,”_ Lucas whined, emphasizing it with another jostle. “It’s Christmas!”

Tommy removed his arm from his face and gave the other boy a blank stare. “I’m Jewish.”

Lucas stopped bouncing and cocked his head. “Oh. Happy Hanukkah then?” 

Tommy rolled his eyes and slid out of his bed, running a hand through his hair. “Already passed,” he said, grabbing a clean pair of scrubs. “I appreciate the effort, though.” 

Holidays weren’t a thing Tommy cared for. He could only vaguely remember celebrating Jewish holidays as a kid, but eventually his parents had stopped caring when he’d gotten older. They’d just stopped celebrating everything; holidays, birthdays, graduations, all of it. It had been easy for Tommy to forget things like that when he wasn’t sure if there’d be enough food in the house the next morning.

He still saw himself as Jewish though. It was still a part of his identity, even if he rarely talked about it, and he didn’t want that part of himself tainted by what his parents had chosen to do. Or not do. 

“Do you want to do something to celebrate Hanukkah?” Lucas called through the bathroom door, cutting off his thoughts.

Tommy shook his head in amusement and slipped the clean shirt over his head. “Nope!” he yelled back. 

That night in the cafeteria, there was a charged feeling in the air. Some days were quieter than others and it felt like everyone was making up for lost time. Tommy noticed that even the kids who normally sat alone had wedged their way into groups. 

“Is something going on?” he asked as they sat down at their regular table. 

Lucas’s face lit up. “Every Christmas,” he explained, “We all hang out in the rec room and watch Christmas movies! The staff here isn’t great-”

“He means they’re the devil’s spawn, he’s just too nice to say that,” Lisa cut in.

Lucas ignored her and continued. “The staff here isn’t great, but they’re pretty lenient with us on Christmas. They kind of look away and let us stay longer to watch whatever movies are on cable.” 

Tommy looked at Lucas, his words sinking in. _Every_ Christmas, he’d said. Tommy hesitated. “Lucas, how… How long have you been here?”

His smile slipped off his face and he shrugged and looked down at his food. “Like, I don’t know, two years.” He let out a sad laugh. “Who’s counting though?”

Tommy shared a look with Lisa but before he could say anything, Lucas stood up.

“I’ll go save us a seat in the rec room,” he said.

“But you didn’t finish your-”

“Tommy,” Lisa said sharply, Lucas already out of his seat and walking away. “Let him go.”

They finished their dinner in silence and they merged with the crowd of teenagers as everyone made their way into the rec room. The couch and chairs were already taken, but Lucas had snagged a spot right in front of the couch on the floor.

He waved them over and Tommy sat down on his right, while Lisa sat beside him so Tommy was sitting in the middle. They weren’t allowed to eat in the rec room, but Tommy slipped Lucas a piece of bread anyway. Lucas gave him a small smile in thanks and broke a piece off, slipping it into his mouth when no one was looking.

Eventually, someone produced the remote and they switched over the channel to one that was playing Christmas movies back to back. A small cheer rose up among the teenagers and Tommy felt his chest warm.

The facility was an awful, evil place and if he’d had the chance right then and there to leave, he would’ve taken it. But in the small moments like this, where Tommy felt like a puzzle piece sliding into the full picture, it was easy to forget why he was even there in the first place. 

Lisa rested her head on his shoulder while Lucas split the last piece of bread, offering half to Tommy. 

“Wait, I’ve seen this movie!” Tommy whispered, chewing on the bread. “I think I watched it in fifth grade. There’s a scene with people singing about hot chocolate on a train, right?” 

Lucas let out a wild laugh and Tommy didn’t even care when half the room, including Lisa, shushed them.

__________

“You know what I’d kill for right now?” Lucas asked as he ate his cereal.

It’d been a month since they’d spent Christmas night watching movies in the rec room and they were eating breakfast, Lucas rambling about all the food he wished they served in juvie.

Lisa gave him a blank look. It had taken Tommy a few weeks to realize that was her interested expression. 

“Ramen.”

Lisa nodded solemnly and said something, but Tommy wasn’t paying attention. He was watching a group of people in the rec room. They were talking animatedly to each other and pointing at the TV. 

Tommy stood up and walked over.

“Tommy?" Lucas called, but Tommy didn’t look back. 

He leaned against the doorframe and watched what was unfolding on the TV screen. 

The people in the room were watching the news, which was nothing out of the ordinary. Though it might have been strange for a group of teenagers to watch the news, that was the only way they were able to stay in contact with the outside world. What _was_ new was what they were showing on the TV.

The line of text at the bottom of the screen read, ‘New Avengers or new trouble? A new superpowered team pops up in New York!’ Above the text, it showed a clip of a group of superheroes fighting villains in the middle of a city, but as Tommy kept watching he realized he’d never seen these heroes before. Then the longer he looked, he realized they weren’t even adults. They were _teenagers._

“Who the fuck are they?” a guy from the back of the room asked, vocalizing Tommy’s thoughts.

Some girl spoke up. “The Young Avengers, apparently.” 

“Wait… The Avengers have kids?”

“Shut up! I’m trying to listen,” another girl snapped and the room went quiet again.

They all seemed to be holding their breath as they watched the screen. Here was a group of teenagers with powers like almost everyone in the room, but they were using their powers for something _good._ They were out in the open, being themselves and it was _okay._

Inexplicably, Tommy kind of wished that was him.

“What happened?” Lucas asked when Tommy came back to the table a few minutes later. 

Tommy waved him away. “Just something on the news. Nothing important.” He turned to Lisa and asked, “Hey, do you want to come over tonight?”

Lisa nodded. “Sure.”

“Aw,” Lucas pouted. “Are you guys ditching me for dinner again?”

Lisa raised an eyebrow and pointed her fork at him. “Maybe if you found someone to make out with, you wouldn’t be in this situation.”

Lucas shrugged. “Eh, I’m not really into kissing. Or people in general for that matter.”

Lisa continued eating. “Suit yourself.”

That night, Tommy and Lisa tumbled onto his bed like they always did, their noses bumping as they made out.

“Hey, wait,” Lisa said, pulling back. Her lips were red and swollen and Tommy had to hold himself back from kissing her again. “We’ve been making out for like two months now. Can we go further?”

Tommy’s brain halted. _Go further? Does she mean-_

“Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, okay,” he agreed even though he was beginning to panic. “A-are you ready? Like, as in, right now?” he asked, heart in his throat.

She rolled her eyes. “Uh, yeah, I’ve been waiting for this for months,” she said. “You just didn’t seem ready. Guess I should’ve asked sooner.” She took off her shirt and Tommy’s eyes bulged out his head. Then she leaned back on Tommy’s lap and reached her hand lower, her fingers brushing his stomach.

Tommy flinched.

She dropped her hand like she’d touched something hot and looked up at him. Whatever she saw on his face had her rolling off his lap. “You don’t want to do this,” she sighed, pulling her shirt back over her head.

“What? Yes, I do,” he said, attempting to steady his shaking hands.

“No, Tommy, you don’t, and that’s okay, but I want you to be _honest_ with me,” she said, sitting on the bed beside him. She ran a hand through her hair that Tommy had mussed up with his fingers. “I’m not a good person, but I like to think I’m decent enough to know not to push someone when they don’t want to go further.”

Tommy floundered for what to say. “But I _like_ kissing you,” he said lamely. 

She shook her head, like Tommy wasn’t getting it. “And I like kissing you too, Tommy.” Lisa never smiled but the look she gave him was almost one. “And I am perfectly fine with just kissing if that’s all you want to do.”

Tommy hesitated. They never talked about feelings like this. Sometimes it felt like he and Lisa had both been cut from the same cloth. It was hard for them to talk about their emotions. And right now, with both of their hearts ever so slightly exposed, it seemed like the best time to show her another little piece of himself. 

He stared straight at the wall in front of him. “I really like kissing,” he said.

“Um, yeah, me too,” Lisa said and looked at him questioningly. “We just agreed on that.”

“I really like kissing,” he repeated, and then rushed out, “And I wanted to kiss Lucas at one point and I still want to kiss you, and I think I’ve wanted to kiss people like Lucas and you since I discovered what kissing was.”

Lisa blinked at him and then looked away. “Oh.” They both stared at the wall for a moment. “Why are you telling me this?” she finally asked.

 _Because it’s been eating at me for years and I’m surprised there isn’t a hole inside of me somewhere and also-_ “Because I trust you,” he said honestly. 

“Oh, Tommy,” Lisa said sadly, like something had just dawned on her. She reached over and gripped his hand. “Look. You and I both know that if circumstances were different you wouldn’t be in a place like this, but I still would be. I can’t be the person you want me to be, hell, I can’t even be a good person.” She squeezed his hand lightly. “I _like_ kissing you too, I really do, but I think we should stop.”

Tommy’s heart felt like it had dropped to his feet. He let go of her hand and glared at her. “Because I admitted I like kissing boys, too?” he snapped.

Lisa shook her head, almost pitifully. “Because this is going to hurt you much more than it’s going to hurt me and I think you knew that from the start. You’re good, Tommy, you’re a _good_ person, and I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.” Lisa looked down at her hands in her lap. “I don’t like talking about feelings so this is hard for me to talk about, but, weirdly enough, you’ve become like a friend to me and it’s a little scary. But because of that I care about what happens to you. So,” she stood up and held out her hand. “Friends? And I mean, just friends. No more kissing.” 

Tommy did like Lisa. He _really_ liked her. But she was right. He couldn’t be who she wanted him to be and she couldn’t be who Tommy wanted her to be. They both wanted different things that neither of them could give. It was only fair that they stopped what they had right then and there. 

“Friends,” he said, a little sadly, and shook her hand. “Do you still want to hang out for a little bit?” 

Lisa dropped his hand and shook her head. “Honestly, I would, but the mood totally got ruined so I’m gonna head out.” She leaned close and gave Tommy one last, lingering kiss. 

Tommy smirked when she pulled away. “I thought you said no more kissing?” 

She rolled her eyes and walked over to the door. “And I meant it. That was the last one.” She gave him a two fingered salute. “I’ll see you later.” She turned to go, but stopped, remembering something. “Oh, and Tommy? I think the word you’re looking for is bisexual.” 

With that, she tapped the doorframe and walked out. 

Tommy didn’t see her again. She was moved to another facility the next morning. 


	4. Fifteen Years Old (Tenth Grade)

It was strange, those long months that followed Lisa’s departure. 

She’d squeezed her way into their odd friend group that had only formed because Lucas needed a roommate. They never would’ve called her a _good_ friend, but she was a friend nonetheless. Without meaning to, Tommy and Lucas had wordlessly left her spot at their table open, a reminder that their duo had once been a trio.

Though it felt like there was a gaping hole at the juvie, life without Lisa continued on as usual. 

Tommy dreaded waking up every morning just to have the same scientists poke around in his brain for something that looked beneficial to whatever they needed him for. 

He’d become empty, like how he’d been that summer before high school, and it hurt like hell because he knew he’d slowly been getting better. 

The only upside of those dark months was that it seemed like Tommy had almost full control over his powers now. 

When the scientists asked him to do certain tasks, Tommy could easily do them on command. He could focus his attention easily on objects and blow them up, and he could phase through objects like he was simply walking through a doorway.

He’d also started sneaking other people into his room during mealtimes. He didn’t think he’d do it again after Lisa, but he wanted something to do to fill the hole in his chest. At first, he’d only snuck girls in and Lucas had learned to ask Tommy if he was bringing anyone to their room after he’d walked in on Tommy with his tongue down a girl’s throat more times than he’d wish to admit. Eventually, though, a dark haired boy with a handsome smile had pulled Tommy aside one day and slyly asked Tommy if he’d show him his room some time, and Tommy had found himself dragging the boy back to his cell, not caring that he’d be skipping lunch that day. 

Bringing people to his cell to make out was fun and easy, and after what had happened with Lisa he made sure not to catch feelings again. It was simple - they made out and he never spoke to them again. There was the rare occasion where he’d ask someone to come back to his room a second time, but it didn’t happen often. 

The blonde haired boy above him let out a noise that dragged Tommy out of his thoughts and had him tightening his grasp in the boy’s hair. He could tell the boy was getting too into it and Tommy leaned back, ready to tell the boy that kissing was as far as he’d go, when the door to the room swung open. Tommy looked around the boy in his lap to find Lucas standing in the doorway, blinking at them.

All three boys froze, staring at each other. The blonde haired boy cleared his throat awkwardly, and the silence was broken.

 _“Lucas!”_ Tommy bit out through clenched teeth. _“_ Close the fucking _door!”_

Lucas snapped his mouth shut. “Right, sorry, sorry! It’s just, well, you didn’t _tell me_ you’d have anyone in here, so it’s not really my fault-” 

_“Lucas!_ Oh my fucking _God,”_ Tommy screeched. “Get out!”

“Sorry!” he squeaked and quickly shut the door behind him. 

Tommy dropped his head in his hands and groaned.

The boy got off Tommy and pulled his discarded shirt over his head. “Um… Well, that was fun and all, but I’m just gonna-” the boy pointed his thumb at the door.

Tommy nodded, running a hand down his face. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”

The boy smiled, a little shyly. “See you later?” 

“Unlikely,” Tommy replied. 

The boy’s smile morphed into a glare and he slammed the door shut behind him on the way out. Tommy should’ve felt bad, but the boy was cute and kind and he reminded Tommy a little too much of Aiden.

It was best he ended it.

Lucas slipped back into the room, but Tommy was already under the bed covers, his back to the door. He heard Lucas sigh.

“Can we talk?” When Tommy didn’t answer, Lucas poked his back. “Tommy, I know you’re not asleep, just talk to me.”

“Nope,” Tommy answered, keeping his eyes closed. 

Lucas sat down on the bed by Tommy’s feet, his back to him. “Are you… Are you alright?”

“Yeah, ‘m fine,” Tommy lied.

“I’m worried about you, dude,” he said, ignoring Tommy’s blatant lie. “You’ve been acting weird ever since Lisa left. You can _talk_ to me, you know-”

“I said I’m _fine,”_ he snapped, pulling the bed cover over his head. “Fuck, Lucas, just drop it.”

“No, Tommy, I won’t drop it. Because something is clearly upsetting you. Are you mad because I walked in on you making out with a guy? You know I don’t care about that, right? I mean, it would’ve been nice if you had _told_ me so I didn’t have to walk in on you again. Now, just tell me what’s _wrong_ so I can-”

“You want to know what’s wrong?” Tommy snapped, sitting up. “Here’s what’s wrong! Everyone always _leaves!”_ he yelled, his voice breaking slightly. “Everyone always fucking leaves and you’re all I have _left._ What happens when you’re gone, too?”

Lucas watched him silently, his eyebrows furrowed. “Why didn’t you tell me you felt like this?” he asked gently.

Tommy looked down at his lap. “I don’t…” He hesitated. “I don’t do the whole ‘feelings’ thing.”

“Tommy, I can’t…” Lucas paused, and then said, “Look, I can’t promise you I won’t leave because I don’t have control over what they decide to do with me here. Same as Lisa. But as long as I’m here, I swear you won’t get rid of me easily.” 

Tommy didn’t respond. He couldn’t speak with his heart lodged in his throat.

“I never told you how I ended up here in the first place,” Lucas continued.

Tommy’s head snapped up, suddenly guilty. “Lucas, you don’t have to-”

“I want to. Because I trust you and I want you to know.” He took a deep breath and said, “I hurt someone. A person I really cared about. I spent years thinking it was my fault. _Years._ But it wasn’t my fault, I know that now. I was a _child_ and I didn’t know what powers were or how to control them. After that day, I’d learned to hate who I was. But I don’t anymore.” He fiddled with his hands and Tommy realized this was the first time he’d seen Lucas reserved, timid almost. “The world is going to hate you for a lot of stupid reasons - your skin color, your sexuality, your gender, your religion, literally anything.” He looked at Tommy and smiled. “The least you can do is love yourself regardless. It took me awhile, but I learned it in the end.”

Tommy scooted over and knocked his shoulder against Lucas’s in a silent thanks. He wished he had the words to tell Lucas how thankful he was that the world had thrown them together, but he was always better at showing how he felt, not telling. 

“Have you ever talked to someone like this before, like about how you feel?” Lucas asked.

He had talked to Lisa, but not like this. Feelings for him always meant hurt and lies. It was so much easier to keep everything to himself. 

The silence dragged on and Lucas’s smile turned into a concerned frown. “I’ll take that as a no. Well, in that case,” he added, straightening up, “You have me.”

Tommy glanced at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Lucas held out his hand. “We never properly did this. Friends?” he asked.

“Friends,” Tommy nodded and shook Lucas’s hand.

They dropped their hands and were quiet for another moment, until Lucas’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “So, like, were you and that guy going to have s-”

Tommy grabbed his pillow and wacked Lucas in the head. _“No,_ oh my god, no.” 

Lucas toppled off the bed, landing on his back and laughing in delight.

And just like that, everything was back to normal.

__________

“That girl, with the pink hair,” Lucas said, pointing to a girl a few tables over.

Tommy nodded. 

“Okay, um, how about that girl, with the curly, brown hair,” Lucas said.

He followed Lucas’s line of sight and shook his head. “I asked her once because I thought she was cute. Turns out she’s into girls and her girlfriend was standing right next to her.”

Lucas snorted out a laugh, knocking mashed potato off his fork. “Okay, okay, one more.” He looked around the cafeteria and then pointed at a guy in the back of the room, talking to two girls. 

It had been a few weeks since Lucas had walked in on Tommy kissing that boy. Lucas, thankfully, was fine with Tommy’s sexuality and they’d never felt the need to discuss it after that day. 

The boy Lucas had pointed at had dark, unruly hair and blue eyes. Tommy recognized him immediately. 

“Ugh,” Tommy groaned, looking away. “That was the asshole who dragged me back here after I escaped. Remember? I told you about that, right?”

Lucas nodded. “I heard his powers have something to do with opening portals or something. But anyway, that doesn’t answer my question. Yes or no?”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, you were right, I’ve made out with him.”

“Hell yeah!” Lucas pumped his fists in the air and whooped. “I’m pretty good at this game.”

“Or maybe,” Tommy said. “I made it easy for you because I’ve pretty much made out with half the people in this room.”

“How come you’ve never asked me?”

“To what? Make out?” Tommy laughed. “Lucas, you don’t even like guys.”

“I don’t like girls either. Or anyone for that matter.” He pouted. “But it’s the thought that counts.”

Tommy threw his head back and laughed harder. “Sure, man. I would’ve kissed you if you wanted.”

Lucas grinned. “Awesome.”

A nurse entered the cafeteria and conversations petered out, causing the room to fall silent. A guard walked over to the nurse and began talking to her. They spoke for a brief moment before he nodded and let her pass. She walked around the cafeteria tables, speaking with the teenagers. 

A boy with glasses nodded at something she said and pointed in Tommy and Lucas’s direction. The woman straightened up and made her way over to them.

“Lucas?” Tommy asked, something like fear creeping into his voice. “What’s going on?”

“Lucas Soto?” the nurse asked, a clipboard in her hand. 

Glancing between the woman and Tommy, Lucas nodded slowly.

“Come with me,” she said and turned on her heel.

Lucas looked at Tommy, his eyes wide in fear. He stood up and Tommy reached out, grabbing his hand.

“Just…” He felt everyone’s eyes on them and lowered his voice. “Come back, okay?”

No doubt, Lucas could feel Tommy’s hand shaking in his own. “I will,” he said, squeezing his hand.

Tommy wanted nothing more than to believe him.

He ate the rest of his breakfast in silence, trying his best to ignore the pitying stares and the voice in the back of his head telling him he was always destined to end up alone.

__________

In a way, the voice in his head had been wrong, though not entirely. Lucas did come back, but he’d come back to tell Tommy goodbye.

“You’re going _home?”_ Tommy asked, baffled as he watched Lucas nod eagerly.

“They said my time’s up in here and I guess they don’t have any use for my powers,” he explained. He started pacing back and forth, waving his hands around animatedly. “I haven’t seen my family in so long. God, I miss them. Did I ever tell you that I have a niece? She was three years old the last time I saw her. I can’t wait to see how big she is now! Oh, and I also have two sisters and three brothers. I mean, they’re my siblings so I’d never willingly admit this to their faces but, man, I really, really miss them.”

Lucas continued to ramble as Tommy sat down on his bed, speechless. When Lucas finally realized Tommy wasn’t listening he stopped pacing the room and sat down beside him.

“Tommy?” he prodded gently. 

“You’re leaving?” he asked quietly. 

_You’re leaving me?_

“Yeah, I’m going home,” Lucas nodded slowly. 

“Wow. I- I’m really happy for you,” Tommy said. 

And he _was_ happy for Lucas. He didn’t deserve to be stuck in a place like this when he had a heart of pure gold. Out of everyone that Tommy had met in juvie, Lucas was the one who deserved to go home and be happy with the people he loved.

But even so, something ached inside Tommy with the knowledge he’d be alone again.

“Hey,” Lucas said, knocking his shoulder against Tommy’s. “Don’t think I’m not going to be worrying my ass off about you every minute of every day.” 

That was the first time Tommy had ever heard Lucas swear and he couldn’t hold in his laugh. Lucas laughed along with him and for a brief moment they were just two friends sharing a joke, not two friends saying goodbye.

Lucas’s smile faded after a minute. “Be honest with me,” he said, watching Tommy intently. “Are you gonna be alright?” 

Tommy wasn’t sure. He wanted to tell Lucas that yes, he would be okay and that he didn’t need to worry about him, but the truth wasn’t as simple as that.

“I don’t know,” Tommy said honestly. “I feel… I feel like one day I won’t be able to stop running, you know? Like I’ll run right off the earth or something.”

Lucas gave him a small smile. “Well, if that ever happens, I know you’ll find someone to catch you on the way down.” 

Tommy wasn’t scared to love someone, he knew how to love. He’d loved more people than he cared to admit. The problem was that he was scared someone wouldn’t know how to love _him._ He was always going too fast and he needed someone to pull him back to Earth and help him slow down every once in a while.

Lucas wasn’t that person. Lisa wasn’t that person. He hadn’t met that person yet and he knew he deserved someone who loved him just as much as he loved them. 

But Lucas and Lisa had still been his _friends,_ and maybe that meant more to him than anything else. 

“Thank you,” he whispered to Lucas.

_Thank you for being my friend, thank you for staying as long as you did, thank you for giving me a chance._

_Thank you for simply being there._

Lucas smiled as if he understood what Tommy meant. Maybe he did.

The door to their room opened and they both stood up. The red haired woman, Carrie, entered the cell with a guard behind her. 

“Time to go, Lucas,” she said. 

Tommy cleared his throat. “Well. See ya around, man,” he said, voice cracking.

Lucas’s face crumbled and he pulled Tommy into a hug, holding him tight. “I’m going to miss you so much,” he admitted, whispering into Tommy’s ear.

Tommy stood awkwardly, his hands limp at his side, before slowly wrapping his arms around Lucas. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d properly hugged someone. 

“You’re gonna get your happy ending, Tommy,” Lucas said into his shoulder. 

“What, are you a mind reader now?” Tommy joked, though it came out flat. 

Lucas pulled away, his hands on Tommy’s shoulders. “No, I’m just your friend. And I know you, and I know you’re a good person. You’re gonna help the world one day, just watch.”

“Thank you, Lucas,” he whispered back, something settling in his chest. Lucas didn’t know how badly Tommy had been waiting for someone to tell him he had a future ahead of him. A _good_ future.

“Okay, boys, time’s up, let’s go.” Carrie waved the guard forward and he put handcuffs on Lucas, leading him out of the room.

Lucas looked back and lifted his hands up, attempting to wave. “Bye, Tommy.”

“Bye, Lucas.”

__________

The first thing Tommy did after Lucas left was find a new table to sit at. There was a large group of teenagers that always sat at a table nearby, so he picked up his tray and made his way over to them.

Tommy’s reasoning was that even if one of them left, he’d still have everyone else at the table to hang out with. That way, he wouldn’t be alone again. Maybe they all had the same idea. 

No one batted an eye when he sat down, and one girl even moved over to give him room.

“Hey,” the girl sitting across from him spoke up. She had long, blonde hair and she was pointing her fork at Tommy. “Aren’t you the guy who hit on my girlfriend?”

Tommy glanced at the brown haired girl by her side. That was definitely the same girl. “Hey, I apologised,” he said, pointing back with his own fork.

The girl he’d hit on nodded sagely at Tommy. “That he did.” She smiled and said, “I’m Savannah, the girl you promised a fun night, and this is my pissed off girlfriend, June.” 

June flipped him off at that introduction and Tommy did the same to her.

The girls burst out laughing and Tommy grinned. He dug into his food.

“Well, if you’re going to be sitting with us from now on you better not be homophobic,” June said, causing Tommy to look up from his tray. “Unlike some people at this table.” She glared toward two guys and a girl talking loudly amongst each other a few seats away.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m bisexual,” he said, and the words felt strange on his tongue. He’d never said that out loud before. He’d never even _heard_ the word until Lisa had said it, but as soon as the word fell from her lips it felt right. He’d always sort of known he wasn’t straight, but he’d also known he wasn’t exactly gay either. He’d never thought there was a word to describe himself until Lisa had told him that actually there _was._

Hearing Lisa say it had caused something to slot into place inside of Tommy and made him think, _Oh, it’s not just me who feels this way._

“She’s bi, too,” Savannah said, cutting off his thoughts and gesturing to her girlfriend. 

June looked Tommy up and down, pursing her lips. “Well, in that case, as long as you don’t hit on my girlfriend again, I think you and I are going to be good friends…”

“Tommy,” he supplied.

She gave him a sharp smile. “Tommy.”

__________

Eventually, every day slowly seemed to morph into the other, and Tommy found himself feeling like he had the first few weeks he’d arrived at the facility. All his dreams at night were of him escaping the facility and he’d wake up disappointed that they weren’t real.

He’d become angrier, he noticed, now that it was only his thoughts he shared a room with. He wasn’t sure what he was angry at, maybe at himself, for being who he was, and maybe at the world, for treating him like it did. The worst part of it all was that he didn’t even know when he was going to get out of juvie, if ever.

Even eating with June and Savannah wasn’t as fun as it had been with Lucas and Lisa. Sure, he’d made new friends, but it just wasn’t the same. At least Savannah and June had shown him the trick to taking the tracker out of his arm, even if it did involve a plastic spork and a lot of toilet paper.

He was just so tired. He’d never wanted anything more in his life than to get out of this place. He’d been stuck in a shitty house for fourteen years and then stuck in juvie right after that. He was tired of feeling stuck in one place.

He sat on his bed, staring at the wall in a bored daze, wondering what there was to do anymore. He’d come back to his room after dinner and simply sat down on his bed, with nothing to do. When Lucas was there, Tommy at least had someone to talk to, but now there was nothing to occupy his mind except go to sleep and wait to wake up and do it all over again.

The longer he stared at the wall the more he realized how _easy_ it would be to escape if he could just use his powers. He could imagine it; focusing his attention on the door, the door blowing right off, and Tommy walking right out of this _stupid fucking place-_

There was an audible click from outside the cell and suddenly the door and the wall both exploded. Tommy stood up, stunned. He’d done that, he was sure of it. But that didn’t make any sense, his powers didn’t work in his cell.

It took Tommy a moment to realize he wasn’t hallucinating. 

Someone must have shut the power dampener off, but it had never been turned off before, not since Tommy had been here. Something wasn’t right. 

Tommy waited, waited for the guards to rush him, to sedate him and prod and poke him until they found out a new reason why he was destroying things.

But they never came.

Instead, he heard voices. Young voices he didn’t recognize. 

Tommy slowly inched toward the hole in the wall, trying to see past the dust from the broken cement. Red lights began to glow from somewhere above him and Tommy realized this was his _chance._

He was finally getting out.

“Billy you’re bleeding,” he heard someone say.

Tommy frowned. Those were definitely not the voices of guards.

He heard a groan and someone responded, “That explains why it _hurts.”_

Oh, _oh_ they were young. They must have been around Tommy’s age. 

Gaining confidence, he stepped out of the cell, finally seeing three figures moving in the dust.

“Vision, what did you _do?”_

“He set me free,” Tommy said without thinking. He felt something stir inside of him that he hadn’t felt in years. After months and months of tortue he had a way out and he was not giving that up without a fight.

“Thomas?” someone said.

“Tommy,” he corrected, and he finally saw the people who’d shut off the power dampener. He almost laughed out loud at the people, the _kids,_ standing before him. “Who the hell are _you?”_

A siren rang out as he looked at them, the lights changing to a pulsing red. There was a robot who looked like the Vision, though there was something off about him, and then there was a girl with blonde hair wearing a red suit, but the oddest out of their group was the boy standing right in front of him.

He was wearing a cape (Tommy wanted to scoff, but he thought it was best not to piss off his saviors), some suit with stars all over it and a metal headband.

The thing that threw Tommy off, that made him realize this wasn’t a normal prison riot, was that the boy looked _exactly like him._

He looked like Tommy before high school, when he’d dyed his hair brown. He had the same eyes, the same nose, the same mouth. 

If his hair was white, Tommy would’ve thought he was looking in a mirror.

 _Well, things just got more interesting,_ Tommy thought. 

“Woah...” the blonde girl breathed, her face illuminated by the red lights. “You guys could be… _twins.”_

And, well, yeah, they could be, figuratively. Tommy glanced at her and something clicked in his brain. He’d seen these guys before, on the news that day in the rec room.

“Wait… I know _you,”_ he said. “The Young Avengers. You’re the shape-shifter, right?” Tommy nodded at the boy. He hadn’t been able to see them very well on the screen, but he remembered the news anchor talking about a shape-shifter. That would explain the carbon copy of himself. 

“No,” the girl spoke up before the boy had a chance to. “His _boyfriend’s_ the shape-shifter. _He’s_ the warlock.”

 _Boyfriend?_ Tommy quirked an eyebrow and glanced at the boy. _Huh,_ his brain supplied. _Guess we’re even more similar than I originally thought._

“Witch, actually,” the boy said awkwardly. “‘Warlock’ means ‘oath-breaker.’ It’s not a nice word,” he added.

Tommy didn’t know how to respond to the boy’s rambling, but he was saved when the girl spoke up again.

“Um, Tommy?” 

He looked over and saw guards heading their way through the settling dust. The red lights glinted off their armor. 

“Friends of yours?” she asked.

Tommy liked that she could joke during this. Right now she was his favorite Young Avenger, though he felt that if he vocalized this, the wizard boy would be offended. 

“Any suggestions?” said wizard boy asked over the sound of the alarm and the guards yelling at them to stand down.

Tommy grinned. “Yeah,” he said and threw out his arm. “Stand back.” 

He vibrated the molecules of the wall and it exploded, opening up to the outside. 

“Oy,” the boy said, but Tommy ignored him.

They followed him outside and Tommy breathed in the night air. The last time he’d been outside was when he’d escaped, two weeks after arriving. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been in that facility, but it was long enough that he’d lost count. He’d missed the sky, even if his view of the stars was ruined by the droids flying towards them.

“Look at all of them,” the girl said, almost in awe. 

“Armed guards, federal agents, mandroids,” Tommy explained as they advanced. He’d waited months for this, to get payback for what they’d done to him. He grinned. “This is going to be _fun.”_

He took off at breakneck speed, running through the guards and knocking them off their feet. “They’ve kept me locked up for _months,_ _testing_ me, _probing_ me.” He stopped in the middle of the courtyard, arms outstretched as he explained it to the three Young Avengers. “Trying to turn me into a living _weapon.”_ A guard came up behind him and Tommy turned, faster than the blink of an eye and dodged the bullets. “Well, congratulations, officers!” He spun around and took down two guards, watching with glee as they began to smoke. “It _worked.”_

“Tommy, stop!” the girl yelled. “There are people inside.”

Tommy frowned at her. He knew there were people inside. That was the whole point.

The boy with Tommy’s face spoke up. “I’ve got them, Cass. Stay with Tommy. Make sure-”

Tommy rolled his eyes and shot off, not hearing the rest of his sentence. He stopped running when he found Dr. Carter trying to leave the prison ground with a few other doctors Tommy recognized.

“One last _test,_ Doctor,” Tommy snarled. Hatred rolled off of him in waves. “To find out how much I can accelerate your atomic structure before it explodes.”

Before he could do anything, someone tackled him, knocking him to the floor. 

“Down, boy,” a girl’s voice said. “Young Avengers don’t kill. Except Iron Lad, that one time.”

Tommy groaned and opened his eyes, coming face to face with the girl who’d tackled him. She was laying on top of him and Tommy noted that she was pretty. Insanely pretty. Tommy grinned at her. Nothing this exciting had happened to him in a long time. Maybe ever.

She stared down at Tommy in shock. “You look just like-”

Tommy rolled his eyes. Of course he had a hot girl in his lap and she was talking about another guy, even if that boy had a boyfriend. It was the principal of the thing.

“So I’ve been told,” he said, cutting her off. “Who are you?” 

“I- I’m…” the girl trailed off.

“See, this is when having a codename would come in handy,” someone else spoke up.

 _How many of them are there?_ Tommy wondered.

The blonde girl came up beside him as the new person helped the other girl off Tommy. The other boy started chanting something, causing a blue light to surround them.

The dark haired girl, who, okay, was holding _a_ _bow and arrow_ , said, “He looks _just_ like-”

“I know,” the new guy said, looking between Tommy and the girl. 

Tommy sat up on his elbows, ignoring the guards still attacking them. The warlock and the robot seemed to be handling them just fine. “Would someone tell me what the hell is going on?”

The new guy, who was wearing a mask, gloves, and a blue suit, and wow, a shield, held his hand out to Tommy.

Did they realize they looked like a group of cosplayers? Tommy felt like it was his duty to tell them.

“You’re being recruited,” the boy answered and Tommy blinked. 

Maybe he’d tell them another time.

Tommy hesitated taking his hand. Why would they want _him?_ Out of all the people with powers why would they pick Tommy? 

“How did you even find out about me?” he wondered aloud. Cautiously, he took the boy’s hand and let him haul him onto his feet. 

He dropped Tommy’s hand as soon as he stood up.

“The Avengers Fail-Safe Program,” the magic boy spoke up. “Let’s go. I’ll explain on the way.” He seemed urgent to leave and Tommy wondered what he was getting himself into.

“Wiccan, wait,” the boy in the mask said. “We didn’t come here to free a superpowered teenage terrorist.”

Tommy frowned and turned to him. Tommy wasn’t a terrorist. He’d been put in that place against his will for something he hadn’t meant to do. It had been an accident, and it seemed like no matter how many times he said it, no one would believe him.

The boy spoke up again, his voice softer this time, and Tommy’s frown faded away. “We’re here to rescue a _superhero._ So, what’s it going to be?” 

They were all watching him in silence, waiting for his answer. 

He looked back at them. A boy who shared his face, a girl in red who looked younger than he originally thought, a synthesized robot who looked just like the Vision, a girl decked out in purple with a bow and arrow, like some sort of Hawkeye cosplayer, and a boy dressed in red, white and blue. 

Tommy didn’t have a place to call home. There wasn’t anywhere he was needed and there wasn’t anywhere he could go. He hated to admit it, but this ragtag group of teenagers seemed like his best shot. 

As he followed them out of the gates, he vaguely wondered if this group of wannabe heroes were leading him to his doom.

But it didn’t feel like an end. 

It felt like a _start._

__________

Tommy Shepherd was fifteen years old when he realized he wasn’t like everyone else.

That was perfectly fine with him.


	5. Epilogue: Twenty Years Old (College? Job? Superhero?)

“And, well, you know the rest,” Tommy said nonchalantly, finally looking up. “Oh my _god,_ are you _crying?”_

Billy sat across from him in the faded armchair, rubbing his eyes with his shirtsleeve. He sniffed and shook his head, as if Tommy wasn’t sitting across from him, watching him wipe away his tears.

Rolling his eyes, Tommy reached over the armrest of the couch and offered him a tissue. 

“I didn’t… I didn’t _know,”_ Billy said as he blew his nose. Tommy made a face. “I didn’t know anything about your life, about your childhood, about juvie, about-”

“I didn’t expect you to,” Tommy said, cutting him off. “It’s not like I ever told you.”

Billy frowned at him, balling the tissue up in his hand. “So why did you decide to tell me now?” 

“I wanted to tell you when _I_ felt ready,” he explained. “Not after you’d constantly annoyed me into telling you.”

“Right.” Billy ducked his head. “Sorry. I tend to do that. I’m, you know, learning that the world doesn’t revolve around me.”

 _“This_ world doesn’t revolve around you,” Tommy added. “I’m not sure about all the others, though.”

Billy laughed. “Honestly, I’m not sure about them either.” He looked at Tommy and frowned. “But why not David?” he asked. “Or Kate? Or Teddy? Or literally anyone else? Why’d you tell me first?”

Tommy shrugged and leaned back against the couch. “I know David’s my boyfriend and, believe me, I trust him with my life but I’m still.” He waved his hands in the air. “You know, like, I’m still learning how to be more open and stuff and I know we don’t really act like it but you’re still my brother. I’m working on the whole sibling thing and I thought that if you wanted to know more about me, I might as well start at the beginning.” Tommy snapped his fingers. “Also Bishop is a snitch and Altman’s too soft.”

Billy had been watching Tommy with soft eyes while he’d explained and he cracked up at that. “Yeah, that’s true.” His smile faded and he fiddled with the tissue in his hands. “I just- God, Tommy, I feel like shit. While I was living in New York with my parents, you were-”

“Don’t,” Tommy said, holding up his hand. “I’ve made peace with my past. We don’t get to decide where we’re born or who raises us.”

Billy pouted. “Can we hug? I feel like this is a hugging moment.”

Tommy pulled a face. “First off, fuck no, secondly, fuck no, this is _not_ a hugging moment.” 

“Please?”

“Nope,” Tommy said and crossed his arms. “I’ve had my fair share of emotions today. We’re done.”

Billy sighed and stood up. “Alright, alright.” He hesitated. “Hey, are you ever going to tell David?”

Tommy uncrossed his arms and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. Maybe, one day. I just… God, nevermind, this sounds stupid.”

“Hey, no, don’t do that,” Billy said, sitting back down. “Come on man, I promise whatever you’re gonna say isn’t stupid.”

“It’s just that I always feel like I’m moving too fast, and, well… I really trust David and I don’t want to rush this thing we have. I want to savor it.”

Billy looked like he was going to cry again. With that look on his face, Tommy knew what he was about to say.

“No, no, no don’t you dare say-”

“I’m proud of you,” Billy said, despite Tommy’s warning.

Tommy groaned and leaned back, digging his palms into his eyes. “I fucking _knew_ you were gonna say that.” 

“But it’s true! After everything that happened to you, you’re _here._ With all of us.”

Except that wasn’t all true. There’d been a few months where Tommy had vanished. It _was_ true that he was with all of them _now,_ but if things had gone a certain way, he might not have been. 

Tommy looked away, the thought souring his mood. “Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled.

“What?” Billy said, sensing his mood change. “What’s with that look?”

“Did you…”

Billy waited. When Tommy didn’t respond, he asked, “Did I what?”

“Did you care?” he said, looking at Billy with a frown. “When that thing with Patriot’s face took me for a few months? Because it seemed like you didn’t.”

“Tommy, of course we cared,” Billy insisted. “We wouldn’t have forgotten about you.” 

“But you _did,”_ he said harshly. “You forgot about me. You went off and partied while I was still missing.”

Billy’s expression looked pained. “I’m sorry, really, I am and I know there’s nothing I can say to fix that. So much had happened and we just wanted a break, but, I know, I know that’s not an excuse. I’m sorry. I’m not… Tommy we’re never going to leave you again, okay? We’re not. I _promise._ I’ll do everything in my power to make sure.” Billy gave him an encouraging smile and let his magic dance around his fingers. “And I have a lot of it.” 

Tommy snorted out a small laugh. “Didn’t know we had a comedian on the team.”

“Are we okay?” Billy asked, knowing Tommy was trying to cover up how he felt with a joke.

Tommy nodded. “Yeah, we’re okay. I just… You never told me _why_ that mission was so hard for you. Not the team, I mean, but you specifically.”

Billy shrugged and Tommy noticed his eyes dim a little. “It’s… It’s a lot. I’ll tell you one day, though, I promise. I owe you a sob story after that long one you just told me.”

“Oh, ha ha, very funny,” Tommy said, finally standing up from his spot on the couch. 

Billy followed suit and they walked to Tommy’s apartment door. As Billy put his jacket on, he gave Tommy a searching look.

“What?” Tommy asked, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“What happened to you not having feelings?”

“Sometimes it’s easier to pretend you don’t,” Tommy shrugged. “I’m kind of tired of pretending, though.”

Billy pulled Tommy close without any warning and gave him a hug. Tommy wanted to protest, but Billy wasn’t saying anything, just holding Tommy tightly. This was a different hug than the ones Billy normally tried to wrangle him into.

He closed his eyes and hugged his brother back. 

When they awkwardly pulled away, Billy took out his phone and frowned at it.

“Where’s Altman?” Tommy asked, realizing he hadn’t heard from him in awhile. He put a hand up to hide a yawn.

“Space,” Billy said casually, waving his hand in dismissal. 

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Right… Long lost prince and all that.” 

Billy nodded absently, typing away at his phone. 

As Billy did whatever he did on his phone, Tommy checked his and found he had a text from David.

_I’m at the noodle place. Let me know when you’re on your way. X_

Tommy responded with a string of emojis and startled when Billy said his name. 

“What are you smiling at?” he asked, the look on his face showing he already knew what had Tommy grinning. 

“Nothing, asshat.”

“Uh, huh, sure,” he said smugly.

Tommy ran back to his room, changing into presentable clothes and ran back out to Billy before he could even notice he was gone. Billy merely quirked an eyebrow at his outfit and followed Tommy out the door, waiting for him while he locked it.

“Are you still coming to movie night on Friday?” Billy asked as they walked down the stairs to the street below. “It’s America’s turn to pick the movie.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” he answered. 

When they reached the street, Billy pointed his thumb behind him and said, “Well, I’ll see you later.”

Tommy smirked. “Bye.” As Billy turned away he added, “ _Nerd,”_ and then ran, laughing at Billy’s offended squawk.

It was worth getting knocked on his ass by Billy’s magic. 

Everything was going to be okay.

And, for once, he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are any inaccuracies, I tried to stay as close as I could to the comics. 
> 
> Also, this is the longest work I have ever written so if there are any typos or continuity errors please ignore them.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading and stay safe. ♥


End file.
